Status Quo has been around forever it seems. In the Army Now was their big hit I remember, at a time when I thought leg warmers would always be a fashion norm, John Travolta would be the only man I ever loved, and nothing could be cooler than the Harvey Edwards’ ballet shoes poster pinned to the wall of my BFF’s bedroom. (The friend I now sadly see only twice a year when we bump into each other in the grocery store).

Time changes things. In hindsight this appears obvious, but rarely so while we’re in it.

The weather is an illustration. On everyone’s lips now is, “the heat, it’s a coming”. But on a breezy June day, when I’m already down to shorts and a T-shirt, my brain can’t quite wrap itself around just what it will be like, blistering under a tent at Cup Match. I almost can’t believe it. And on that day, with my face in a snow-cone to cool off, if you show me one of the woolly turtlenecks I wore last winter, and will inevitably wear this next one too, I’d want to tell you it couldn’t be possible.

On a much greater scale, similar progressions happen in our lives. There are situations and circumstances I have gotten myself into over the years that seem almost dreamlike to me. I barely recognise the ‘me’ that was in them. Both good and the bad: from working on a movie with Brad Pitt in Hollywood, to feeling trapped in a toxic, self-destructive relationship that last years longer than it should have (sadly not with Brad Pitt). Both things seem so far removed from my current state they become merely stories I tell.

I look back and sometimes wonder how I got here. It’s because most changes don’t happen in leaps and bounds but from small, incremental, ongoing adjustments over time.

Normal can creep up on us: the normal that we personally accept on a daily basis as ‘the way things are’ — our status quo. It’s like the anecdote about cooking frogs. You put a frog in a pot of hot water and it will jump out, but put it in a saucepan of cold water and slowly, incrementally heat it up, it will not notice the water getting hotter and will remain there until it is boiled to death (but please don’t test this at home).

Recognising the nature of ‘normal’ can liberate us from its restrictions and help prevent us from sliding down it’s often slippery slope. We can get perspective and look to see how our current circumstances are serving or hindering us in how, where and who we’d truly like to be in life.

As an example, we tend to discount our own achievements over time, as our results become our new normal. Take, for example, working towards a qualification. As we embark on the journey towards it, the road of work and study ahead can seem daunting and unending. But that work in itself quickly becomes a norm. When the results come in, while it may be briefly novel, soon being qualified becomes the norm and we fail to remember all the effort that went into it, how important it once was to us, how impossible or impressive it might have seemed, how proud of ourselves we could be for seeing something like this through.

It’s not just the big achievements, but projects, tasks, making the right decisions, choosing to take care of ourselves, stretching our comfort zone. International Coaching-Consultant, Tony Robbins, suggests we keep a weekly log of our achievements, noting even the little things that we accomplish and offer a sense of success on some scale. If we do this and review at the end of the year, we will have often 500 plus things to be proud of. Ordinarily we might look back and say, “Where did this year go? What have I done with my time?” Instead, what would this list do for our self-confidence, our motivation, our ability to vision going forward, knowing what is possible?

These kinds of lists are also important to remind us that things can and are going to change. We all recognise that life is a series of ups and downs. But this can be hard to remember, especially when a down period has come to feel like our new ‘normal’. Little is more defeating and depressing than thinking that a negative, painful, difficult state or situation we are in, is permanent.

Change is the only constant. Remembering what is possible and that change mostly happens in fractions, we can be motivated to make those incremental positive adjustments that will eventually lead to a new, happier status quo.

Beyond our personal norms, I think similar awareness and perspective is necessary for monitoring the societal and cultural status quo around us, and how it affects us. Discussing this topic recently with friend and social activist, Toby Butterfield, she raised some provoking points:

In society, if we don’t stop to consider and question the ‘way things are’, they just get accepted. We can overlook what’s presented and expected day-to-day and people can wind up supporting systems and outcomes that go against their values, just because it’s considered ‘normal’.

“Normal is a powerful teacher. If nobody’s saying something is wrong, we interpret that it is right … even if it isn’t.”

Certain cultural norms can end up restricting us from fully expressing and realising ourselves, and can dictate our experience to us. And we may not even be aware this is happening. Some questions to consider: What does our culture say we should or shouldn’t do? Are these ideas in line with our personal highest values? What is the status quo that we are establishing in our communities? Our families? Is it serving our best interests? What is our ‘normal’ teaching our children?

On a personal level, what are we tolerating in our lives? What do we put up with on a regular basis, big or small, that is distracting, producing negativity, or not benefiting us? What small things can we start to do about them?

Just as singular moments of apathy, built upon the turnings of blind eyes, and the letting slide of little white-lies and justifications for indiscretions can all compound over time to create a full-blown, negative situation that appears ‘normal’. We can create positive change, both personal and beyond, through: vigilance and adherence to our values, questioning rather than just accepting, consistently taking positive incremental action, keeping to mind all that is possible and what we are capable of. And being willing to let go of the status quo.

Julia Pitt is a trained Success Coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.