Dear Carla: I have several godchildren and I am actively involved in their lives. I always check on their grades at school and spend time with them whenever I can. However, I have an issue with one of their mothers. She is always asking me to spend money on my godson for various reasons.

While I don’t mind, I feel that she is taking advantage of me. I do not have children myself and have bills to pay. But she thinks because I am a single man I should have no problem forking out money whenever she asks for it, but she always has on the latest fashions, and parties, so why can’t she sacrifice? She sometimes makes degrading comments in my presence about not having loyal friends. I try to ignore it, but it really makes me mad. I think she is selfish and she’s making me not want to be around her anymore, but I do not wish to cut off my godchild. What should I do? — ANNOYED

Dear Annoyed: I think you should put a little bit of distance between yourselves for a little while so that the dust can settle. I agree with you; she is being selfish. I think sometimes people get it twisted regarding the meaning of what being a godparent is supposed to be. It has a lot more to do with nurturing and supporting the parents than spending money all the time. In my opinion, there should be no mandatory financial obligation from godparents unless they wish to contribute. In no way should they feel forced. Talk to her and tell her how she makes you feel. If she doesn’t try to see where you are coming from then you may have to accept that she really isn’t your friend.

Dear Carla: I love a man who I don’t think loves me the same. I am always the one initiating affection and while he doesn’t reject me, I would like for him to show me that I matter. It’s affecting my self-esteem and I’m beginning to wonder if I should leave him. What do you think I should do? — DOES HE LOVE ME

Dear Does He: Just because it feels as if he does not care for you, does not mean that he doesn’t. Maybe it’s just a case that he does not show you he cares in the way in which you desire. You need to look at your relationship as a whole. Does he take care of you in other ways? Do you spend quality time together? Does he take you around to see his family? There are so many different aspects to examine I think it would be a shame to end a relationship because of one.

People were raised to show affection differently. Perhaps his parents weren’t openly affectionate. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Work it out.

Dear Carla: There is a young man who moved into my neighbourhood about four months ago. I’ve seen a young lady from time to time around as well. I am trying to figure out who she is because I want to notify her family of how she is being treated.

I’ve seen him chase her up my street on two occasions, as well as heard him what I can only describe as choking her, and yelling, screaming, saying he will kill her, day and night. It’s very horrible to hear. I’ve called the police and directed them to the apartment, but when they get there they both act as if everything is okay. If this was my son doing this, or my daughter the victim, I’d want to know. HELP. I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I’ve tried talking to her directly. I asked her name and I get no reply. I know enough to know that the landlord has even approached and told her they are aware of what’s been going on. It resulted in her screaming at the landlord, and telling him to stay out of their business.

They were outside my house the other day, and a guy on a bike gave her a ringing slap, and SHE ends up saying sorry to him. I’m considering just taking her bike number in order to track down her family. Carla, it’s bad, and she’s only 20-years-old. That much I was able to find out. What should I do? — WORRIED

Dear Worried: I would keep calling the police because the one time you don’t she could end up dead. And that’s a lot of guilt to carry for the rest of your life. She is protecting him because she is being manipulated. She is clearly under his influence. You haven’t said anything about seeing anyone come to visit her. That is a sign; he is isolating her in order to maintain control.

I suggest you also call one of the helping agencies on the Island that assist with providing a safe haven for abused women. They can offer you the best advice for someone in her situation.

If I was in your shoes, I would try and track down her family as well. It is imperative they know what is going on. Perhaps they can intervene. Keep trying to talk to her without putting a bunch of pressure on her. And please whatever you do, do NOT turn a blind eye. It could mean the difference between her life and her death.