Dear Dr Nekia,

Recently I find myself tired of dating. The thing is that I do not want to be alone, but I am finding dating to be a bit of a chore. Any suggestions on what I could do to make dating more enjoyable?

Sincerely,

Dating But Bored

Dear Dating But Bored,

You may want to try taking a break from the dating scene for a while. Use your free time to take up a new hobby or explore areas of interests and goals that have been unmet. Take time to clear your head and your emotions by focusing on yourself and what will make you feel a sense of satisfaction with life. Dating, like bargain shopping, can be exhausting. You can find yourself searching and searching for just the right fit at just the right cost. When you approach dating as a bargain hunt and this becomes the process, it can quickly get really tedious, boring, and frustrating. After you have taken a little vacation from dating, you will know when you are ready to resume your quest for companionship when you feel a new sense of energy and hope for love. Once this happens, try to avoid falling into the same slump by approaching dating in a more carefree manner. Remember, dating should be fun, spontaneous, and focused on getting to know and enjoy the company of as many people as possible. This increases your chances of finding a suitable match. Also, try to open yourself up to dating outside of your box — you just may surprise yourself by finding exactly what you need and are looking for in an unfamiliar persona.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I have a grandmother who wants to remarry. She has met a friend at church and I thought that it was cute at first, however, she says that they are serious about one another and want to get married. My grandmother is 75 years old. Isn’t this a bit too old to talk about starting a new life with someone?

Sincerely,

My Grandmother’s In Love

Dear My Grandmother’s In Love,

No age is too old to enjoy love. Ageism is unfortunately often seen in the area of love. It may do some good to get together with other members of the family, and even members of his, to ensure that they will both make decisions that are in their best interest. Issues such as living arrangements and financial as well as medical obligations should be considered. All in all, love can be an amazing addition to life at any age. Do not discourage it if it is not harmful to their health or wellbeing. Besides, when you reach your grandmother’s age, I am sure that you would not wish to live a loveless life. We must remember that no matter how young or how old, people are people and all people deserve a life of love and happiness.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I do not think that my husband is really attracted to me. I see him looking at and commenting on other women in passing, on TV and porn, that look nothing like me. Although his admiration of other women bothers me, I do not say anything to him about it because I would rather that he feel comfortable enough to not hide it from me. But I think that what bothers me the most is that I do not have the features that these women who get his attention do. He seems to get so easily turned on by them while it takes him a while to get going with me. I don’t know what to say to him or what to do. How do I address this situation?

Sincerely,

Feeling Unattractive

Dear Feeling Unattractive,

Having their husband admire and comment on other women who do not share similar features to herself would make any woman eventually feel insecure. You may want to first address and put a stop to any comments or behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable. Do not be afraid that your husband will begin to keep his wandering eye hidden from you. You should not sacrifice your happiness for fear and, as strange as it may seem, taking the risk may in fact be beneficial to you because void of having your insecurities repeatedly validated by his actions, you can begin to regain your self-confidence. At the same time, try to remember that he did marry you so he must have found something in you that is attractive to him. If you are finding it difficult to find something attractive about yourself, ask your husband to point out a few things that he finds attractive about you. Ask him to be specific and focus on physical attributes. This will help to boost your ego to a healthy level. If you have physically changed over the years, ask him what he wishes you would improve on. Knowing exactly what attracts your husband to you is invaluable information that once learnt can be used to boost both confidence and intimacy. Furthermore, if it is the case that you are just simply not your husband’s physical ideal, you will have to come to terms with this and together you can both find ways of making sure that you feel attractive and desired by him. After all, he has come to terms with the difference between you and other desirable women enough to have committed himself to you. Yes it is true that people marry for different reasons, but you should remain positive that your husband married and really loves you for who you are both inside and out. He can help you through all of this. Be honest and let him know how you have been feeling lately because, with positive reinforcement, only he can put to rest your fears of being undesirable to him. It is great when we can feel good about ourselves for ourselves but let’s be real, who doesn’t want to be the apple of their lover’s eye?