An issue with many sides to consider
Dear Dr Nekia,
Is it OK to self pleasure?
Just Want To Know
Dear Just Want To Know,
If you are speaking according to morals, the answer to your question will have to be decided personally by you. You may choose to either conform to or sway from cultural, religious, or social norms. However, if you are asking from the stance of medicine and physical, mental, or emotional wellbeing, there are a few things that you will want to consider. First, is your heart in good enough health to handle the increase in heart rate that occurs with sexual arousal and activity. Secondly, you will want to consider your energy levels. You should not engage in any form of sexually arousing or ejaculatory activity if you are feeling over tired, over stressed, or under the weather. In addition, you should refrain from these activities if you are not mentally sound, find yourself becoming dependent upon sex with self or with others, have just eaten or are hungry, are dehydrated, or find that they interrupt your day to day life or relationships. These guidelines are especially important for males to follow because male ejaculation depletes the body of vitality as much of nutrients are reserved for the forming of ejaculatory fluids and substances. Fortunate for females, the same is not true as nutrients in their body are reserved for the building of the uterine lining in case of pregnancy.
Dear Dr Nekia,
Why does it seem like women are taking the lead and men are taking a back seat? It seems that women are more educated, are gaining more employment, and are even taking leadership roles within the church, the workplace, and the government. What’s really going on because I thought that the man is supposed to be the head?
Head Not Tails
Dear Head Not Tails,
It is true that women are gaining more advancement in developed western societies. As women are raised to be more independent they are educated and enter into politics and the workforce in areas that are traditionally seen as being dominated by men. In relation to men, it is also true that within certain cultural and ethnic demographics, male education and employment is on the decline. Whether this is by coincidence or by design is up for debate, but there is a definite trend. Furthermore, the notion of the man being the head would only be relevant to those who ascribe to the religions and institutions that teach this. If we look to nature as our teacher, it is usually the male that acts as the active procreator and protector. Humans are unique in that they have developed societies where a provider is also needed. However we must learn that the rising of women, even within traditionally male dominated and lead institutions, is a reflection of the cyclical nature of life. It was once that women headed “governments”, temples and homes even if males were placed out front in the position or seat of rule. This was greatly true because the person(s) in the seat of rule were more vulnerable to attack and the women of wisdom were seen as being necessary to protect. With the rise and wars of Christianity and late era forms of religions such as Islam, female leadership was done away with. Today, women are once again finding a voice and a place at the head. Some have a problem with this because they equate leadership with dictatorship and unquestioned authority. However, head carries the meaning of being a guide. Just as the head of the body receives information and translates that information into perceptions and experiences that are then communicated to the rest of the body for function, so is the head of any household, government, or institution. Without the valuable input of the body, the proper cleaning and balancing of the tail, and the seat of the heart, the head would remain silent and would cease to be alive. In other words, the head is not the entitled master, and the tail (or body) is not the powerless slave (or servant). And until we realise this, there will always be a fight by some to discredit women as being desirable leaders.
Dear Dr Nekia,
How do you know when a relationship is really over? I want to end my current relationship but he does not and says that we still have something left to save. I am not too sure about that.
Dear I’m Done,
While our daily connection and involvement with someone comes to an end as soon as it is agreed upon, the truth is that relationships themselves never end. Everyone involved in a relationship takes on the experiences and lessons of that relationship; and should the physical involvement end, everyone takes with them those same experiences and lessons.
In that sense, relationships never end. How you choose to intertwine your daily lives is completely up to you however. If you no longer wish to involve your daily life with his and he is in disagreement, then try your best to hear him out and if no resolution can be met, try equally as hard to explain your position to him. We are all responsible for the proper dissolving of involvement which includes ensuring that the least harm is done to the other person(s).
Should he remain non-accepting of your decision and becomes a threat to your sense of security or your wellbeing, contact the proper authorities for further advice and guidance.
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