Is my wife attracted to other women?
Dear Dr Nekia,
I am beginning to suspect that my wife may be into women.
She spends a lot of time pointing out other women to me, and feels very comfortable with letting me know if she finds them attractive or not.
Also, she seems to only really enjoy oral sex. Are there any signs that I could watch out for that will let me know for sure if she is into women or not?
Dear Suspecting Husband,
I would hope that you are not basing your suspicions on those two factors alone because there could be numerous reasons for both of those behaviours.
And while there is no guarantee that your wife will be honest with her answers, the best thing to do would be to ask her about her sexuality.
You will have to do it in a way that makes her feel comfortable and safe. It is only when a person feels as though they will not be judged, laughed at, or made to feel abnormal do they tend to open up about sensitive topics.
Hopefully, you have already done a good job in fostering an environment of acceptance within your relationship because this would make things much easier for the both of you.
Should your wife not be sexually attracted to other women, explore more the reasons for her behaviour to see if there are any lingering relationship kinks that need to be worked out.
Either way, honest dialogue and attention will make your marriage stronger.
Dear Dr Nekia,
Sex in public? As I am sure you know about what has been circulating recently regarding what was filmed at the game, I would like to know what is the big deal?
Almost everyone I know admits to having had sex in a public place with the chance of being caught, so what is everyone all upset about?
Just Let It Go
Dear Just Let It Go,
I do see your point. Sex in “public” or open spaces is very much a natural occurrence, and I am sure that most of the persons who are shocked by the video have themselves at least thought about engaging in intimacy outside of their homes.
However, in this case there are a few factors that need to be questioned. One being the age of the persons involved, as there seems to be some speculation about underaged individuals. Another concern would be that the public place in which they chose to engage in the activity was a place where children and other sensitive individuals were present. Next would be the level of drug and/or alcohol use that was involved that would allow for the individuals to be so comfortable with their behaviour.
Public sex, even at Cup Match, happens every year. This year, we so happened to have video footage, which in and of itself speaks volumes.
Not to demonise anyone, but the motive and intent of the person who stopped to film the event needs to also be paid attention to.
Nevertheless, while “public” sex has its appeal backed by a natural drive or desire, we must be more responsible in our decisions as both participant and spectator.
Dear Dr Nekia,
I have not dated for a long time, but I am now seeing someone who I really like. We have not been intimate yet but I feel as though he is expecting us to be soon.
My question is, how do you know when you are ready because I am a bit nervous?
Nervous About It
Dear Nervous About It,
Whether you are nervous about the actual act of being intimate or about the emotional side of things, it is normal in any new relationship.
This is true whether you have or have not dated in a while, but is even more understandable if you have not.
It is usually never easy to put yourself back out there without feeling some level of anxiety or uneasiness so this should not stop you from developing a connection with someone who you are interested in.
However, take your time and do not rush into anything. If you perceive that he is expecting intimacy, have an open dialogue about it to make sure that you are both on the same page.
Then, take the pressure off of yourself by focusing more on enjoying his company and the experiences that you both share. If it is that you know for sure that he is expecting intimacy, know that he has no right to expect anything from you.
Do not feel pressured into anything that you are not ready for. As I said, take your time. You will know when you are ready because it will feel natural and comfortable to you.
If he can not understand or wait for this to happen, then you will at least know that your reservations were founded. No matter when it is that you decide to be sexually intimate with your new beau, remember to take your time, be honest about your feelings, and be comfortable within yourself.
Nervousness is natural, and the feeling of it may not subside until after your initial sexual encounter; however, try to seek out the difference between nervousness and instinctual red flags. Go with your gut on this one.
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