No sexual act in and of itself is homosexual
Dear Dr Nekia,
After reading last week's column I am confused. I mean, isn't gay just gay? I do not understand how things that someone does during sex can seem gay without being gay. If a man has anal sex he is just gay.
Sincerely, Gay is Gay
Dear Gay is Gay,
When a person is labelled as, or labels themselves as a homosexual, it's subjective. Neither nature nor science offers a concrete definition of what that entails.
Consider these questions for example: Is there a homosexual gene? Is homosexuality contagious? Is homosexuality unique to humans or do other animals have homosexual members among them? Modern western culture has come to define homosexuals as people who are attracted to, and engage in sex with persons of the same sex. Key to this definition is that the sexual desire for someone of the same sex must be present. So what about the individual who is attracted to someone of the same sex, but chooses to refrain from having sex with persons of their same sex? Or what about the person who has never been attracted to someone of the same sex, but one day find themselves romantically involved with such a person? Are these persons gay? Have they always been gay? Are they gay forever? No sexual act in and of itself is homosexual. We label sexual acts as “gay” or “straight”, “dirty” or “OK”, “nasty” or “normal” etc, because we have been taught to. From this information we choose what to accept and what to reject. For example, no one was born believing homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of God. They had to be first taught about who and what God is and what is, and is not, sexually acceptable.
If you chose to accept the concept of God and His laws regarding sexuality, then you would come to believe that homosexuality is an abomination; if you chose to reject the concept of God or the Biblical teachings regarding homosexuality, you would not.
But let's stay away from the religious points of view for now. If a female does not enjoy sexual penetration of her vagina but does enjoy oral stimulation from her male partners, is she homosexual?
Most of us would say, of course not. Why would we then believe a male to be gay because he prefers anal stimulation from his female partners? In fact, not all homosexual males enjoy anal sex with their partners. Anal sex between males sometimes has nothing to do with sexual desire, and everything to do with dominance.
Is a female who enjoys anal sex a homosexual? Does she subconsciously think herself to be a man with homosexual desires? Of course not. The truth is that “gayness” only exists within psychological constructs. If a person enjoys sex with people of the same sex and with people of the opposite sex, are they gay? The answer to this question would be that in the moment of engaging in sex and having a sexual attraction to someone of the same sex, they are homosexual; in the moment of being attracted to and engaging in sex with someone of the opposite sex, they are not.
Such persons typically identify themselves as bisexual; others, for whom it's an occasional occurrence, will consider themselves heterosexual. This is because their heterosexual sexual desires dominate their homosexual desires.
Human sexuality is a vast and complex topic, but the points to be taken here are that no sexual act in and of itself is homosexual, that no part of the human body stimulated to receive sexual pleasure is homosexual and that we live in a culture of sexual stigma, and sexual fear that surrounds anal, oral, and even vaginal pleasure.
Such fear is very damaging to the human psyche as it leaves us guilt-ridden and paralysed to explore, or give and receive pleasure. Although many of us will not make the connection, this sexual repression and ignorance transfers over into our nonsexual selves and causes us to be fearful and paralysed and to reject pleasure and happiness in our general day to day lives.
Dear Dr Nekia,
Is it true that women are freakier during a full moon? I'm a young man and I hear my uncles, who are much older than me, talking about this. I don't know if I believe it because it seems dumb to me.
Sincerely, Just Superstition?
Dear Just Superstition?
I am pleased that you chose to reach out to find out the truth rather than listen to the words of your uncles.
Many times our elders have wise things to tell us, but they do not explain themselves in a way that makes sense to us.
Some just do not take the time to, and others don't fully understand the information themselves. I think that it is very important for our young people to learn the truth regarding sensitive topics such as sex. With that being said, oddly enough, the answer to your question is yes. Because of its definition, I would not use the term “freaky”, but it does seem that the moon often has an effect on the sexual drive of females. I will do my best to explain this in simple terms to give you a clear understanding. The gravitational relation between the moon and the Earth is what causes the change in sea levels; most of us will remember this information from science class.
In addition, it is important to know that the moon is always the same shape and size.
What changes is its distance from the Earth, the amount of light and the angle of light that is reflected on it by the sun. The angle and amount of light is determined by the location of the Earth and the moon while orbiting the sun. When light is shone on the moon in a way where all of the moon seems to be illuminated, we say that the moon is full because we can see it fully. We all know that the more sunlight and the closer the Earth is to the sun, the hotter the Earth will be. This is true for the moon as well. Putting this all together we will get that the influence of light and temperature and the distance of the sun, Earth and moon all work with one another to give us our cycles of the years, seasons, days, nights and, more specific to this topic, the cycles of the moon. If we add to this our knowledge of how temperature affects water — heat evaporates water, cold solidifies and expands water etc — we can see how water on the Earth is evaporated.
Tides can be at their lowest when the moon's effects are least noticeable during the new moon versus when water on Earth is expanded, and tides can be at their highest during full moons.
What does it all have to do with sex during a full moon? Well, the Earth is covered by at least 75 per cent water, and the human body is also made up of nearly that same percentage of fluids.
Women carry more water and fluid than men. It's required to provide protection to delicate internal sexual organs, a favourable environment for babies and to encourage the circulation of and make up the volume of menstrual flow.
These internal tides also make us susceptible to the moon. It's seen more in women because of our greater fluid content, but it can be also noticeable in men. As our internal tides rise, so does our sexual desire.
If this is a bit difficult to notice or understand, think about when it rains. Many people say that the increase in moisture causes an increase in desire for sex.
This is because moisture is relaxing, penetrating and conducive to sex.
Without getting too scientific or technical, water is an electrical conductor so the more water there is, the more electricity that is sparked within us, which means we're more likely to be turned on like a switch.
So yes, all else being constant, the moon causes an increase in water and fluid which directly and indirectly affects a female's sex drive and desire.
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