Are women rejecting their natural role?
Dear Dr Nekia,
My wife and I were having a discussion about an article that we had both read regarding genetically engineered children.
The article was saying that such children would eliminate the need for sex and would produce genetically superior children free of disease. To my surprise, my wife was all for it.
She said that it would be good because at least women would not have to worry about dealing with pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding anymore.
I honestly did not know what to say to that because I had to ask myself, do women really hate themselves that much?
I remember listening to my mom and aunts talk about pregnancy and raising children with excitement and pride in their voices. What do you think about this, because I personally think that it is rubbish but my wife says sign her up.
Against Artificial Life
Dear Against Artificial Life,
I too share your concern. I am finding that more and more women are rejecting their natural role as being the vessel of life. What is even sadder is that I constantly hear young girls just entering puberty or their teens, who reject the experience of having a menstrual cycle and developing physically as a female should.
In the back of my mind I always think, where are their mothers? What is being taught or shown to these young girls that would cause them to have such a negative perception of their bodies?
Everything, from hormone production to body development to menstrual cycles to pregnancy and delivery, has become a medical condition. Drugs and vaccinations are thrown at our daughters. For every experience, there is a medical remedy, and there is not enough teaching going on.
So many of them are on artificial hormone regulators and injections aimed at reducing the unpleasant woman experiences and no one is teaching them how to embrace their bodies, feel pride in themselves and adopt lifestyle choices that would naturally ease their negative symptoms.
The result is generations of women who do not care for the intimate experiences given them surrounding bringing forth life.
Genetically engineered children is one topic, but being in favour of this option just because we no longer wish to carry out our female role of giving birth and breastfeeding is a whole other discussion entirely.
We have long been moving towards becoming a world accepting of non-sexual reproductive means. In fact, sex for many has become nothing more than a stress relief; an instant gratification or momentary amusement.
It has lost its value for being a means to healing, creating, sharing, and connecting through intimacy, so thinking it to be obsolete with regards to producing children is no big surprise.
Maybe generations of women have been groomed and programmed to reject themselves so that we would be more welcoming of the idea of human clones.
Once females reject their ability to bring life through pregnancy and birth and sustain life through breastfeeding, there really is no one to stand in the way of corporate baby mills. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Nevertheless, we may be well on our way towards genetically engineered children becoming a norm because many women do not recognise, or accept, that having such negative attitudes towards their physical bodies is in fact the source of so many of their ailments and also a form of self-defeating hate.
Dear Dr Nekia,
I've been dating this guy I met online for a few months now. I have not met him in person because he lives off-island, but we chat on the phone for hours.
We have discussed either him coming here or me going there to see him in the near future.
I am so very comfortable with him, so I do not worry about the safety issue, but what I do worry about is that he refuses to video chat with me.
He says that he is camera-shy, but promises he is who he says he is and who he appears to be in his pictures.
I want to respect his boundaries but isn't it just a bit weird that he wouldn't video chat with someone he says he cannot wait to meet?
Sincerely, Online Romance
Dear Online Romance,
Whether a romance is of an online nature or not, refusal of a potential mate to conform to normal social cues of intimacy is a red flag.
In other words, whenever someone you are interested in begins to be evasive, standoffish, or obvious in attempts to create walls, it is reason for you to pause and reassess the friendship or relationship.
They may try to make you believe that everything is fine, but you will clearly see that they are not.
This is where you must learn to listen to and trust in your own instincts. Yes, you may be overly cautious or wrong, but your gut will always give you good reason to pause.
In your situation, it would seem that there is a sure reason to pause. You may talk to this person for hours but this is because they feel comfortable with communicating in this manner; it is not because a relationship is developing.
His refusal to video chat may very well be because he is camera-shy, however, given the circumstances do you think it wise to pursue a relationship or to organise a trip to go see someone who exists only in pictures, voice, and thoughts that you have created of them?
Camera-shy or not, you need to ensure your safety first, and then make sure to secure unquestionable honourable intentions.
At this stage, your love interest is barely more than a ghost with a voice, and he is asking you to trust that he is who he says he is. The reality is, he could be anyone, so you are correct to have alarms going off. If he truly cares for you, he will satisfy your need for face-to-face video communication, if only for a moment, so that you are more comfortable with future interactions.
Please do not be sweet-talked into believing this virtual person until he is ready to show you the tangible person behind the computer screen and phone lines.
This is an area that we women tend to fail in. In general, we do not do enough to make men prove themselves true, before we get emotionally invested.
Dear Dr Nekia,
I'm seeing this guy who has the baby mama from hell. I'm sure that she takes care of her child, but now that she knows that the father is seeing someone new, she makes trouble any time that she can.
She acts nasty when it is his time to take the child and refuses to let him come around if I am there.
She tells people that her baby daddy chooses his new “thing” over his own child, when really it is her who is choosing for him.
It is stupid that she makes him choose between being with me or his own son. He loves his son, and they have been broken up for almost two years now.
He even has showed me when she sends him sexy pictures trying to get him to cheat on me.
I don't want to get physical, but I don't know what to do and I'm about to show up at her door one of these days real soon.
Sincerely, No Baby Mama Drama
bDear No Baby Mama Drama,
Physical confrontation is never the answer. In fact, the answer resides in the one you are defending — your man.
He is fully aware of the discord that exists and it is up to him to create an environment that, at the very least, is built on tolerance.
No, he cannot control the behaviour of his son's mom, but he can communicate and handle situations regarding her and his son in a way that will minimise her ill will towards him and his new relationship.
It is not always easy to let go and do the right thing in matters of the heart, and this is especially true for women who carry a child for the man that they love.
It has been shown that women carry the genetic remnants of the baby's father within their body, so it is no wonder that so many have a difficult time detaching.
As the new woman in his life, you have to be willing to face the fact that detachment, for her, is not going too well.
If you do not care about her feelings, or any of these facts, then you would be best suited with someone who is without a child or who already has a stable, working co-parenting relationship with their child's mother.
In essence, the child is in the middle of all of this and, truly, if his parents cannot stop the bickering for the wellbeing of the child, then this speaks volumes to the character of both of them.
It is not your place to confront her, or to solve anything.
I understand that your primary concern is for your relationship and the happiness of the child with his father, and I also understand that he may be a wonderful father who does not deserve any of the grief that he is receiving, but the bigger picture is that they created a living breathing life together, before you were ever involved. They will always be connected no matter what or who comes along.
Once he begins to reflect upon this fact, and the serious intimacy that surrounds it all, he may realise that he needs to approach the situation in an entirely different way.
Let's face it, what he is currently doing is not working, what his son's mom is doing is not working, and there is no magical pill or solution. They must, as parents and former lovers, reopen the lines of communication in order to reach an understanding.
Yes, there is no guarantee that his son's mom will ever be approving of any woman that enters his life, but this is a situation that he must actively seek to resolve if he has any hopes of being happy and experiencing a healthy relationship with his son.
I hardly ever am an advocate for involving the courts, but in some cases the option of court-ordered parental rights and restraining orders to stop harassment are costly but effective solutions that should be explored if nothing else is working.
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