Why moms are 'mean'

November 8, 2002

Dear Sir,

For a change of pace, I thought I would share this bit of humour with your readers that was sent to me via e-mail from my youngest daughter Karen, entitled "Mean Moms".

"All moms are mean for a reason. As we grow into adults we know why our moms were mean. Someday when my child is old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell her this:

"I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

"I loved you enough to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though I could afford to buy you one.

"I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

"I loved you enough to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and, tell the clerk: "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it!"

"I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room - a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

"I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my eyes - children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

"I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart, but most of all, I loved you enough to say no when I knew you would hate me for it. Those are the most difficult battles of all.

"I am glad I won these battles because in the end, you won too, and someday when your child is old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents you will ask them Was your mom mean? I know mine was. I had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs and toast. When other kids had Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, I had to eat sandwiches...and you can guess that what my mother fixed me a dinner was different from what the other kids had too.

"Mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times. She had to know who my friends were, and what I doing with them. She insisted that if I would be gone for an hour, I would be gone for an hour. I was ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labour Laws by making me work. I had to wash the dishes, make the beds, and learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry and empty the trash along with other cruel jobs. I think she lay awake at night thinking of more things for me to do.

"Mother always insisted on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time I was a teenager she could read my mind. That's when life got really tough! When my friends came to pick me up, they had to come in so that she could meet them. None of this honking and me running out. Not my mom! While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, I had to wait until I was 16. Mom was mean, and because of her meanness, I missed out on lots of things other kids experienced...It was all her fault. Now that I am an adult with a family of my own, I am doing my best to be a mean parent just like my mom was. I think that this is what's wrong with the world today...It just doesn't have enough mean moms."

I replied to my daughter, asking her if I was really a mean mom and here are some of her responses.

"Heck yes, let me quote you!

"Question, 'Mom, where are my school shirts?'

"Answer: 'You didn't wash them!'

"One day at school a boy asked: 'What's that smell...it smells like bleach!' I was totally embarrassed. But next time I made sure all the bleach was rinsed out of my school shirts. If mom had washed them, that wouldn't have happened!

"Question: "Are you going to Leta's for Leta, or for her brother Timmy?

"Answer: "Both I guess!"

"Response: 'You just watch yourself miss!'

"And, what mom makes her kid try escargot for the experience?"

Well, it looks like I was a mean mom, and I am so glad I was because we both have reaped the rewards. The pay off has been tremendous.

PAT FERGUSON

Warwick

In support of teachers

November 2, 2002

Dear Sir,

On November 24, 1989, I submitted a letter supporting parity for our teachers. Once again I feel compelled to make the case again. Teachers frequently go beyond the call of duty in making provisions so that their students can apply themselves more effectively to their lessons. It is unfortunate that teaching as a profession is not promoted in our community and it is a sad state of affairs when our students are more inclined to make alternative career choices rather than aspire to join the ranks of the teaching profession.

Teachers are certainly not compensated fairly especially when they are subjected to additional stressors in the classroom. With the increase in socio-economic problems such as substance abuse, crime and high rents just to name a few, impacting on the student and his family, classroom management becomes more exacerbated and problematic.

The Government has purported that the teacher's received comparable percentage increases during the past ten-year period. However, in comparison to their counterparts in the Civil Service no consideration has been given to the salary reviews that have been conducted within some of the Government Departments. It should not be noted that prior to terminating my employment at Teen Services in 1987, I assisted in the completion of a salary review of the social work staff which was submitted to the Department of Personnel Management Services for approval since Teen Services was being funded by Government.

The social work salary was subsequently upgraded on par with Government social workers and I subsequently accepted a salary cut when I undertook a position as a school home counsellor in September 1987, with the Department of Education. I eventually left this position but I have returned within the past six years and I am presently at the top of my scale which falls significantly short in comparison as it does not equal the bottom of the pay scale for my Government counterpart. I would like to add that I am required to have a Master's Degree in counselling or a related field and my responsibilities are more broader-based in comparison to my Government counterpart who does not have supervisory responsibility. As part of the administrative team, the counsellor's responsibilities at the Middle School level involve programme development and management, individual and group therapy, guidance facilitation, supervision when a secretary is available, staff training and when time permits parent workshops. I would like to add that despite this, I thoroughly enjoy my present position as it affords me the opportunity to work directly with the students in a very positive way.

Teachers need to be recognised for their inherent worth and will fee respected when they receive comparable compensation. Our request for parity under the auspices of the Bermuda Union of Teachers is a reasonable one in light of the fact that there are glaring salary disparities within the Civil Service. I would suggest that when a salary review is conducted in one Government Department, consideration needs to be given to reviewing the salaries of comparable positions and qualifications in other Government Departments. The above example is only one example, however, I am sure there are others which need to be investigated. The teachers certainly have a valid case and it is hoped that the upcoming Arbitration will assist in proving this. As stated in my 1989 correspondence, 'REALLY, IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?'

MARILYN V. JACKSON

Warwick

Editorial got it wrong

November 7, 2002

Dear Sir,

In your editorial this morning, you criticised UBP MP Jamahl Simmons for saying the PLP were "drunk on power" and "drunk on champagne". You felt these phrases were unnecessarily low blows in the context of the run-up to the next general election.

I have to take issue with you over that. Many people feel the PLP has squandered the good will people had for them in 1998. They've made some bad decisions about how to govern, sure, but they have also been guilty of some really questionable personal behaviour that makes people wonder what else they're capable of.

Champagne, expensive clothes, fast cars, first-class travel, bad temper, arrogance, pettiness, secrecy, disloyalty, overpayments, political favours - these aren't just cheap political jibes. These are real issues for the people who have to pay the bills, and real issues for people who worry about Bermuda's future. They are issues that will make or break the PLP's chances of a second term in office. Trying to declare them off limits is as far off the mark as King Canute was, trying to order the tide not to come in.

And I do feel obliged to gently point out that it is a little odd for you be trying to lecture politicians on their behaviour, while all the time encouraging Hester's little weasel-hunts. Don't you think?

BLUTO

St. George's