Hector understands the blister-ridden Gazette Gazelles are still furiously scratching their heads trying to fathom out exactly how it took them nearly nine hours to complete the ? when the rest of the field managed to stride from St. George?s to Dockyard in half that time.

But the tardy team was puzzled further when they opened their goody bags of healthy treats kindly provided by organisers on registration and picked out their free pedometers.

Now Hector has never been described as a fitness fanatic; that brief walk to MR Onions for a post-work Guinness often leaves him gasping for breath and a little unsteady on his feet.

Yet he must admit he was somewhat confused when he read the instructions that accompanied the pedometer, which for the uninitiated is a small plastic device that counts your steps when you attach it to your waist.

Warning bells rang when the instructions said that the pedometer would only work correctly under a ?flat plant?.

So that?s where the Gazelles went wrong... maybe they would have clocked a quicker time if they ditched the power drinks and walking boots and instead donned gardening gloves, picked up a shovel and grabbed a potted azalea or hydrangea for the 40km, 50,000-step haul across the Island.

After that gem, the instructions helpfully inform that the stepping meter will not count correctly when the user is ?moonwalking?.

Hector is delighted to be able to reveal the real reason why hasn?t yet taken part in one of Bermuda?s most popular charity events.

Nothing to do with time-consuming court cases, lengthy world tours or studio commitments. No, if the self-styled King of Pop can?t count his steps, then he?s simply not taking part.

Hector, however, is delighted that there is no mention of the step counter not working when the user is breakdancing or performing robotics ? two tactics the Gazette team is seriously considering next year in a bid to keep pace with the powerwalking pack.

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Mind you, one of the team nearly found their walking days prematurely terminated when a speeding taxi missed them by a matter of inches while hammering along South Road near John Smith?s Bay. It seems driving in Bermuda has hit an all time low, especially after what Hector saw in Par-La-Ville Road on Wednesday night. A line of vehicles was waiting for a red light when one driver began to impatiently hit his car horn. The bike in front of the driver looked surprised and bewildered but pulled to the side. It appears the driver was annoyed that the bike was in his way and, after it had moved, the car ran the red light.

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Hector likes a drink as you can probably tell from his logo. One bar that Hector frequents was waxing lyrical about the success of No Alcohol Day. The establishment managed to rake in $11,000 that night ? more than it has ever earned in a single day. The bar tender, who threatened to close Hector?s tab if his name appeared in the paper, hopes CADA makes No Alcohol day a monthly event. Hector will raise his glass to that.

s campaign to increase airlines coverage to Bermuda and bust up the monopolies has Hector?s full support. Which is why Hector wasn?t best pleased to find one website blasting the Jet Blue fare as a bad deal. Hector found it easily enough ? by plugging in the word Bermuda in Google News.

There he found a short piece on Jaunted.com titled ?Bad Fare ? JFK to Bermuda, $129 OW on Jet Blue?. The item said it wasn?t the destination, the carrier, or the fare itself which was problematic. ?It?s you?re flying: the second half of May. Summertime in Bermuda is toasty indeed, and summertimes starts ? you guessed it ? right about now.?

Hector can think of a few Smith?s residents who found the ice cube size hailstones reigning down on their homes as less than toasty. And aside from Wednesday night?s freak wind the May weather has been lovely so what are they on about?

Instead the anonymous article recommends Montreal for this time of year which boasts a forecast for this weekend of rain with low temps in the upper 40s. ?At least after that you?ll be crying out for Bermuda and will be able to truly appreciate it,? wrote the confused contributor on a website which describes itself as ?a travel guide in real-time, for globetrotters, business road dogs, and arm chair travellers who are too harried to sit down with a traditional travel guide, or wait for a monthly travel magazine.?

It seems the contributors are too harried to even think things through before crashing them onto the world wide web ? maybe that item was written by a ?business road dog? in a bad mood from after picking up a nasty bout of mange from staying at too many dirty motels.