Hector wonders what kind of warped logic operates at that venerable institution the .

Having developed a fault on his line, Hector called for assistance ? with BTC promising someone would be in touch to arrange repairs.

Three days passed. Hector, in a telephone-free wilderness, was beginning to feel friendless and unloved. He phoned BTC to inquire when help might be sent.

?We already sent someone round yesterday afternoon ? and there was no one home!? said the operator, in an accusing and annoyed tone of voice.

A mystified Hector ? who of course works all day as a long-suffering hack - pointed out he had had no way of knowing he should wait at home for the engineer.

?Did someone call to say they?d be around?? he asked ? a clearly crazy suggestion, met by baffled silence. ?Perhaps, well, maybe someone could call first to make an appointment?? was the next tentative suggestion.

This done ? although treated as a dangerously radical suggestion judging by the tone of the operator ? Hector took time out from his punishing schedule to wait at home for the engineer to turn up. To his credit, he did so on the dot of the appointed time.

?I?ve been round yesterday already ? you weren?t in!? he reprimanded a puzzled Hector, before doing the necessary repairs.

Hector remains puzzled. Do BTC only usually carry out repairs on the lines of the house-bound, unemployed and stay-at-home mothers? Or do the rest of its customers have a telepathic ability to recognise when that big yellow repair van is heading their way?

@EDITRULE:

Hector was tickled to learn that Premier is not the only member of Government to make sure his pronunciation is always spot on by including phonetic translations in his speeches.

As noted a few weeks ago, Mr. Scott?s recent keynote address to the Sustainable Development Environment Conference made its way to complete with helpful notes on how to pronounce Ashok Khosla and Fritjof Capra?s names (Ash-Kok Cos-la and Frit-jov Cap-rah, fact fans.)

Now, it seems, Environment Minister is getting in on the act. During addresses to the House on Friday, her speech text handily pointed out that fish should not be filleted (fill-aid) at sea and that substantial fines and forfeiture (for-feet-ure) of equipment face those who breach the Endangered Animals and Plants Act. Entertainingly, considering her portfolio, she also explained the importance of Bermuda?s fisheries being e-co-lo-gi-cally sustainable. But hey, it got her through.

... Unlike the poor Premier who unsurprisingly had terrible trouble later that day with his reference to Nikiforos Diamandouros, the Ombudsman for the European Union. He must have neglected to have it translated. Hector is right be-hind the i-deuh of all cab-in-it min-is-ters em-ploy-ing this brill-ee-unt tack-tick. It makes reading their tee-dee-us speeches so much more fun.

@EDITRULE:

Crown counsel had to tread carefully in Supreme Court this week to avoid provoking the ire of Puisne Justice . Mr. Caines had waxed lyrical about how defendants ought to be punished severely for drug-related crimes, regardless of their age. He added of the 54-year-old defendant in question: ?He?s not a youthful man.?

Admonishing the fresh-faced Mr. Caines, the ever-youthful Mrs. Justice Simmons quipped: ?You?re running the risk of offending the court. Are you saying someone in their 50s isn?t youthful??, causing Mr. Caines to respond: ?I?m choosing my words carefully.?

@EDITRULE:

Hector?s a big fan of . In fact the image of welsh siren manoeuvring her way lithely through those invisible lightbeams in Entrapment is burned on his memory. While Hector is thrilled to be sharing an Island with the screen goddess and sometimes boasts to overseas friends that the starlet is his neighbour, it seems life on the rock can?t compare to life in Hollywood. better half was quoted in In Style magazine saying: ?America is not perfect, but it?s much better than anywhere else in the world.? Better than Warwick? Impossible.

@EDITRULE:

Hector was amused to see media-phobe gripping a copy of at a press conference on a time capsule unearthed at the building site for the new Police/court building in Court Street. Hector thinks the grumpy Senator would prefer to bury the paper rather than dig it up but what politician can resist a photo opportunity?