The Social Agenda has arrived. No really, it's here. That noise you heard on Friday was it, the great sucking sound of the whole island yawning together.

So what was in the Social Agenda then? What had the Premier and his Cabinet so excited ? other than the recently departed Renee Webb that is ? that they couldn't stop repeating those two words? What was in this colossal and unprecedented revamp of Bermuda's political landscape?

Streetlights, speed bumps and scholarships. Yep, that's it, no kidding. The Social Agenda is just more of the same old same old. What was new was the packaging and PR, courtesy of our very own king of the political infomercial, our very own celebrity pitch man who's convinced that he can sell anything.

Friday saw the Governor ? with the characteristic enthusiasm all Governors inject into their annual Throne Speech cameos ? unveil the PLP's highly anticipated "watershed event", the "awesome" plan, the ten-year all-encompassing cross ministry initiative, the Social Agenda. What is it out to tackle? Try computers for a start. That's another initiative we're ambitiously throwing the full resources of the Civil Service at ? the Islandwide computer ownership crisis.

Someone, anyone, just throw in a towel, put Premier Scott and his Band of Merry Ministers out of their misery. Is anyone still in doubt about why Renee Webb walked away in disgust? Love her or not, she can spot a fake a mile away.

The Social Agenda, we were told, was going to remake the political landscape; Phase II of the journey to a New Bermuda. Phase I, in case you've forgotten, involved satiating the new political elite's 30-year hunger for taxpayer funded perks: cars, houses, travel, parties and bottomless credit cards.

Phase II we now know, is as that wily and perceptive Hester commented in Saturday's Royal Gazette, "a plan to have a plan".

You can't sum it up better than that. The subtext of Phase II is of course the desperate attempt to turnaround the declining political fortunes of a floundering, visionless, compromise Government.

In hindsight, the biggest tip-off that the Social Agenda wouldn't live up to the hype was the Premier's announcement that "even the cover is different". Evidently the content was so compelling that the artwork needed a plug. What did we discover behind that glossy cover? We found more of the same in a different wrapper, classic empty vessel syndrome.

The PLP Government, suffering from a chronic case of mental constipation, can't seem to stop popping the marketing pill ? maybe that's why they won't be drug tested.

If they put half as much energy into developing and executing policy as they do promoting themselves we might get somewhere.

Nonetheless, last Friday we dutifully suspended our disbelief and awaited something earth shattering from a Government that claims to "deliver". What a let down it was to discover that what was delivered was sorely lacking.

In fact, if this Government were delivering pizza ? now there's an idea, and something they might be better suited for ? we'd be getting a stale, half-baked, hastily assembled, light on toppings but heavy on the advertising pie, delivered in a fancy box, in a really big car, driven by a slick driver spewing non-stop hyperbole.

Unsurprisingly, this Social Agenda is simply a compilation of pre-existing Government services rolled up in a fancy new wrapper, delivered by an out of touch travelling salesman.

Consider the announced new Community Areas Programme. This exciting new initiative will focus on traffic calming, day care, community education and the upgrading of derelict buildings for instance. Sound familiar? It should, these are all services provided by Works & Engineering, Cultural Affairs or Health and Family Services for example ? standard things that every government worldwide offers.

Undoubtedly the most notable aspect of this agenda is its absolute dearth of details, action points or broad vision. Instead, exhilarating words like "develop", "research", "identify", "formulation", "potential", "summits", "conferences", "forums" littered the document.

Those aren't action words of a Social Agenda, that's more talk. This isn't paralysis by analysis, it's paralysis disguised as analysis.

The few decent new ideas can mostly be accomplished with the stroke of a pen. The Mature Student Further Education Award provides a useful example.

There's nothing wrong with that idea, and scholarships are something the Government provides aplenty, but it will take nothing more than setting aside $10,000 in the next budget. Done, what's next? Is it useful? Yes. Will it reshape Bermuda? No. Is it a new idea? Not really.

This speech confirmed that squandering of the past six years looks set to continue, and that only after taking care of themselves and amid signs of a return to the back bench, has Government decided to think about researching, identifying and information gathering.

Time, we need more time, is the plea. There appears to be no end in sight to our directionless drift under this visionless, clueless Government.

The Premier might think that he can obscure a lack of substance with bravado, table thumping, and loud proclamations of the undisputable greatness of this Agenda. Predictably we've heard it all before.

The Government constantly adopts the strong offence as a good defence approach to combat reality; need we revisit the unresolved Berkeley saga?

The Social Agenda has been exposed as nothing more than another request for another chance, a ten-year (two election cycle) all-encompassing public relations sham intended to defer judgment on chronic PLP inaction.

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