Hester couldn't help but notice Government's ads yesterday - just three days into Alcohol Awareness month - which listed over two and a half pages of establishments, including boats, that sell intoxicating fare across the Island.

Always one to err on the side of sobriety, she thought the 'Awareness' part of this month's observance was intended to highlight the dangers of drinking rather than to point out where one can go to raise a glass of the bubbly. Perhaps liquor licensing should take place in some other month.

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The death of the much beloved Queen mum in Britain reminds Hester that Bermuda does not have a monarch of its own, Dame Lois excepted. So, ever the true blue blood, Hester was surprised to hear of a complaint from a woman who feels she is Bermuda's 'queen of kites'.

The woman demanded The Royal Gazette print a correction when it recently used the title to describe another woman.

As Hester hears it, the royal pretender told the daily newspaper: "I am the kite queen and you called some other woman the kite queen. You better fix that!" It came as regal letdown to the poor woman - who admitted she only craves the crown - that there is no 'official' Kite Queen title and a correction would not be forthcoming.

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Hester was suitably impressed with the speed at which the Community Education Programme was able to come up with a special course "designed to separate the facts and myths concerning how the Bermuda Housing Corporation works". Entitled 'Housing: Bermuda' the programme description says: "Emphasis will be placed on the most commonly asked questions relating to housing."

The one-off session will be held on May 1 and the catalogue lists the cost as "priceless" - Hester's not at all clear on what that translates to in actual dollars.

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Bermuda Housing Corporation property officer Terrence Smith, like many others in the organisation, seems to have become obsessed with his privacy of late.

Hester's newsroom friends reported recently how Mr. Smith had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars lavishly upgrading his home on Tee Street, Devonshire, and was running a moonlighting architectural business from his BHC office.

A pair of contractors at the house claimed they were kicked off BHC jobs after billing Mr. Smith for work on his sprawling pad.

Driving past this week, Hester noticed Mr. Smith is now raising the height of his outside wall to keep out prying eyes, and has stuck up a stern 'trespassers beware' sign.

Neighbours will be saddened to hear he has also taken down his charming iron gates, which were tastefully emblazoned with the initials 'TS' in large letters.