There’s never a dull moment with Lt. Col. Burch<$> is there? The man aptly dubbed a “PR train wreck in slow motion” by PLP colleague Julian Hall has seemingly gone into hyperdrive with a blitzkrieg against Auditor General Larry Dennis, before turning his guns on the Governor and then having a pop at the Island’s foreign workforce. All by Wednesday. Hector wasn’t sure what was most surprising — the apology Sen. Burch issued for overstepping his bounds by trying to audit the Auditor General while filling in for Finance Minster Paula Cox <$>- or the U-turn on foreign construction workers. In October 2005 he was telling The Royal Gazette bringing in more foreign labour might help ease the housing crunch by forcing costs down. He said: “We have not gone too far down this particular road but it is one that rattles around in my brain - that is the same concept of the national stadium of bringing in workers which clearly brings the cost of labour down.” Now it seems Johnny Foreigner, around 10,000 of whom are invited to be here every year by his very own Government, is to blame for the housing crisis. Even though, as Sen. Burch pointed out himself, many are crammed in like sardines and sleeping in shifts. So the housing problem has nothing to do with the fact that Government has failed to get any serious building done in eight years in office and even when gifted a project like the Harbourside Village still manages to mess it up by not making the land available. Hector has often wondered what purpose Sen. Burch extended bout of Tourette’s serves in the Alex Scott cabinet and has already speculated the fiery ex-soldier might act as a useful bulwark against the ambitions of Dr. Brown. But increasingly he thinks he’s just there to make his colleagues look better by comparison.

Hector has heard plenty of harebrained excuses from jurors desperate to get out of sitting through weeks of less than riveting legal action in Supreme Court.

But one reason offered earlier up this week this week could take some beating. After the jury had been sworn in ahead of the trial, one member of panel promptly stood up to excuse himself, telling the Judge that he could not participate because he was a Christian and “could not judge people”. Puisne Judge Charles-Etta Simmons appeared somewhat taken aback. After informing the juror that he judged people every day, for example when he lent them money or when he crossed the road and trusted a driver to stop and not plough straight into him, she effectively told him to sit down and get on with it. Luckily for the man in question the trial collapsed inside 15 minutes after the key witness failed to show, postponing judgment day in court for the relieved juror.

Like the good liberal he is Hector hoped Renee Webb<$>’s bid to end legally sanctioned discrimination against homosexuals would have enjoyed the support of the majority of our MPs — or at the very least got them to stir from their feet to talk. Not normally a problem with politicians but maybe so close to a payrise most of them were too busy doing their mental arithmetic on how to spend the extra cash. While not condoning the dismal performance of the nation’s leaders Hector can’t help feeling there is a rather obvious message for reformers hoping to get progressive legislation passed — such as not waiting until the week after the passage of a vital bill to start organising support for it. Only a suggestion.

Talking of inept political campaigns Hector would like to give a pat on the back to whoever thought of having a UBP press conference in the middle of a road this week. Although, no doubt, many local residents were interested to hear that Tillman Darrell will be fighting Pembroke South East in the next election, he can hardly have endeared himself to the voters stuck behind the media circus in Middle Town Road. Indeed, assembled members of the press found it hard to concentrate on the glowing words about Mr. Darrell flowing forth from UBP leader Wayne Furbert — competing as they were with a frustrated driver revving his car engine, plus workers on a nearby construction apparently doing their best to drown him out.

Hector loves the plan to run trucks and taxis on cooking oil, ensuring our roads don’t stink of diesel but merely three-day old fried fish. Hector only hopes the green boffins find a way of powering his moped with empty Guinness cans and cigarette butts. Anything to curb the amount of cash that Hector’s has to shell out to Shell and its similarly expensive rivals. However it seems our British friends, who were already using the idea, fell afoul of the taxman with Police “frying squads” cracking down on motorists running their diesel cars on cooking oil. According to an entertaining report from the Guardian, cops on sniff patrols were reduced to following traffic in the Welsh town of Llanelli to nab those evading motor oil tax. Any car smelling like a mobile fish and chip shop was pulled over with culprits liable to a maximum seven-year jail term.

Hector’s legion of fashion-conscious readers who enjoyed the thrilling escapades of Bill and Leslie Elliott<$>, the American tourists who caught a 1,100lb blue marlin earlier this week, will no doubt be wondering how Mrs. Elliott managed to juggle life on the high seas while keeping her hair in tip top condition. When not accompanying her husband on deep sea fishing expeditions, she holds the post of president in the ultra-trendy Toni and Guy hairdressing empire, which stretches across the US and into Europe. After helping her hubbie haul in a rare May grander, we had to ask what condition her hair was in after an hour-long tussle with what the boat’s skipper described as a “sea monster”. Did it get messed up, we inquired, as high winds buffeted her locks and ocean spray splashed her roots. “No,” she told us. “I wore a cap to protect my colour.”