It seems that some taxi drivers are in such a fluster about the new GPS tracking system they are refusing to use anything that helps them find their way — including an old fashioned map. Hector enjoyed the story of a friend who was all prepared to nose around the Premier’s recently revamped new Clifton house at the weekend. They decided to take a taxi, so they had even more time to see exactly where that $1.4 million went. Equipped with a map, our pal jumped in the taxi and showed the friendly driver exactly where they wanted to go.

But instead of Clifton, the cab went to the Premier’s private home on Pinnacle Hill... then to The Laurels, former residence of Dame Jennifer Smith <$>when she was Premier... then to Chelston, former site of the US Consulate General. Eventually Hector’s friend insisted the driver look again at her map and showed him the exact location of Clifton. His response? “Oh I didn’t look at it the first time I just saw the dot you were pointing to.”

Hector feels that dot was still slightly larger than the taxi driver’s brain and after that magical mystery tour, Hector is beginning to understand the problems Dr. Ewart Brown <$>is having trying to get the taxi drivers to buy, and use GPS. Although Hector dare not ask a driver with GPS to drive to the Transport Minister’s home — the device might just explode.Still at least the taxi driver was vaguely civil. Unlike some of the Bermuda’s service workers who seem bent on destroying Bermuda’s already grossly exaggerated reputation for friendliness. Hector was stunned into a rare silence by the staggering rudeness displayed by the proprietress of a jewellery stall at Harbour Nights recently. One female shopper who was obviously rather taken by a beautiful turquoise necklace picked it up to admire it — prompting the saleswoman to bark “don’t drop that — it’s worth $200!”

Perhaps she believed the reason her potential customer’s jaw dropped in amazement was because of the price and not her aggressive manner — for she felt the need to add in a sweetly sarcastic tone: “The $20 stuff is further up the stall.” Hector watched the chastened shopper slope off to spend her hard-earned dollars elsewhere. Glad to know Tourism Minister Ewart Brown’s emphasis on the need for good service from charming staff has been heeded by those on the front line in Front Street.Friday’s marathon 18-hour debate in the House of Assembly gave dictionary compilers ample opportunity to update entries such as ‘pointless’, ‘rambling’, ‘futile’, ‘inane’ and ‘nadir’. Hector was also glad to see maturity levels of Bermuda’s parliamentarians remains at such lofty heights. With the Opposition whip blatantly whining that “the other side got to speak for two hours with notes (a reference to Glenn Blakeney’s two-hour trumpeting of Government), so now we are going to keep them here till 6 a.m.”, Hector hears that Gazette <$>reporters bedded in for a very, very, very long night/morning.

By 2 a.m., energy drink Red Bull became an essential commodity as an enthralling debate raged on topics as diverse as blind musicians, sea turtles and cherry jam. At 5.09 a.m., of the 14 people in the room... only six were awake. Eventually MPs began to rise from their slumbers, and Ottiwell Simmons<$> and Dale Butler had a quick laugh at the Sergeant-at-Arms who was sound asleep. Special mention to Education Minister Terry Lister<$>, who sauntered back into the House some time after 4 a.m., even though he had left the House hours earlier — someone must have given him a wake-up call and told him it was his turn to speak.

But Hector had to smile when he heard that, despite Government’s apparent displeasure with most things the Gazette <$>writes, Dale Butler left at 6 a.m. to pick up three copies of the paper to pass around to Government MPs. Maybe that woke everybody up.

Never one for idle speculation, Hector wonders if the real explanation for the 6.30 a.m. finish was that MPs felt they had to prove the hefty pay hikes they passed the week before were justified. Either that or they only stopped because somebody told them the Portugal World Cup match was due to start.Hector was puzzled to hear that new attempts to tighten up the law and clampdown on boozy doctors who work while drunk, could end up targeting the legless... literally. The change requires patients to report medical practitioners they believe are unfit for work — or face a $1,000 fine. But Independent Walwyn Hughes <$>told the Senate on Wednesday that the definition of being impaired by drink or drugs bizarrely appeared to include the loss of a body part.

“Supposing a doctor has a missing finger or is one legged?” asked Sen. Hughes, raising the prospect of a medic not having a leg to stand on if a complaint is made against them under the new rules. “It’s nothing to do with an impairment yet they are supposed to be reported for being impaired. It makes no sense to me.” And although occasionally guilty of being impaired by drink some evenings, it doesn’t make too much sense to a perfectly sober Hector either.

Government Senator Raymond Tannock seemed equally bemused by Sen Hughes’ comments. He hardly went out on a limb when he said he would ask for clarification on the issue.Hector doesn’t lightly knock the work of people who raise money to fight deadly diseases but even he was slightly taken aback by the crassness of a plan to raise money to fight diabetes. A little context is needed, so let Hector explain. Diabetes already affects 20 percent of the population and is set to rise. Meanwhile asthma is at epidemic levels according to local health professionals.

Also a deadly disease, experts say Bermuda’s congestion and high humidity levels exacerbates the asthma curse. So in a bid to raise money to fight diabetes Bermuda Long Riders Motorcycle Association are planning the ride non-stop up and down the island for 48-hours and further pollute Bermuda’s roads at the most humid time of the year.

Thanks guys. Could you not have taken your hogs and shiny helmets overseas? Mind, Hector is only jealous — it might take the limelight away from his two-day smoke-a-thon to raise money to fight cancer.