Please allow me some space in your newspaper to vent my frustration with the Bermuda Telephone Company.

On August 11, I placed a service call with the Bermuda Telephone Company to have a phone repaired. I was informed by the operator that a repairman would be there to repair it in about four days.

Weeks later someone finally arrived to "look at it''. Seven weeks have now gone by and I have had three different repairmen attempt to fix it. One of the repairmen diagnosed the problem as being the result of a faulty BTC phone and the other felt that the problem was line related. I am told that a third repairman did some work on the pole, found everything to be okay and therefore left. All were wrong, the phone still does not work! I have phoned 611 many times in an attempt to get an idea of when I can expect a BTC linesman to replace the line. Each time I called, the operators were as helpful as possible but ultimately had to refer me to the assistant manager.

I'm still waiting for him to return one of my calls. Eventually I was fortunate enough to contact Mr. Robinson who was very, very helpful. Within twenty minutes he called me back with an apointment to have the line repaired the next day (September 27). Unfortunately, it rained for a portion of the 27th and the repairmen could not come. I'm not sure why as the last repairmen that visited informed me that the wire which had to be replaced was primarily on the inside of the house. The last time I checked it did not rain indoors.

Now I have been informed that because this is a `two man job' I must wait until next Wednesday (October 4).

According to the operator that called, all two man jobs are dealt with on Wednesdays only. I just hope it does not rain next week.

After doing some research, I have found that in the US and Canada an acceptable response time for a telephone repair call is two days regardless of the weather conditions. As a matter of fact I understand that Ameritech (a phone service provider in the US) was being sued by its customers because some were being forced to wait up to four days to have their phones repaired. If only they knew how good they have it.

Oh, by the way I called to see how long it would take to have a new line repaired -- only six weeks. Hard to believe that it takes less time to install a new line than it does to repair one.

I am puzzled as to why it should take this long to have a simple phone line repaired. In the same time that it has taken to resolve this matter; the Space Shuttle Atlantis has visited the International Space Station, its crew have unloaded three tons of cargo and returned to Earth. The Sydney Olympics have also begun and will be over before the line is repaired.

I'm no rocket scientist but I think it's reasonable to assume that it should take far less time to repair a phone line than it does to send a shuttle into space. I'm pretty sure it's also a little more difficult to run the Olympics.

I have an idea that the management a BTC may wish to consider. Why not train the accounts department personel as repairmen and have the repairmen trained in accounting? The accounts department seem to be well organised. I don't think there has ever been a time when my phone bill was ever seven weeks late.

It's great for the customer too. Think about the benefits, our phones would be repaired in a day or two and the phone bills would come two months late.

Finally, I would like to thank the Minister of Telecommunications for allowing the BTC to raise their rates last year. Now I am paying more money for even worse service than we had before. The last time I needed my phone repaired it only took me four weeks.

DISCONNECTED Smith's Parish Path of leash resistance October 2, 2000 Dear Sir, I am glad I can walk my dog anywhere on the Island, because of the laws in place for restraining your dog on your property and leashing your dog on public property.

For when I walk in your neighbourhood and your dog runs through your yard into the road (whether private or public), my dog will eat your dog. And I will let him. Because you gave your dog to my dog. My dog is on a leash.

When I swim with my dog, and your dog swims freely, my dog will gobble up your dog. Because you don't care. Your dog won't hurt anyone. I care, my dog is on a leash! When I walk in the park, and your dog approaches my dog to play, my dog will eat your dog. Because your dog is friendly, you do not want to protect it. My dog is on a leash, because I love my dog. It is sad that you do not love your dog.

What type of dog do I have? The type that walks on a leash! A LOVING OWNER Who was the culprit? October 3, 2000 Dear Sir, I noticed recently that Hong Kong finally finished its new international airport and I hope that they do not have the same problems as others, including our own Bermuda experience.

History tells me that airports are particularly prone to `Murphy's law': If it can go wrong it will; let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time my children's grandmother travelled from London to visit us in Nigeria. For reasons known only to herself she chose to fly via Accra in Ghana. Having arrived at this brand-spanking-new international airport, she naturally had to visit the ladies' room which she found one flight up.

Having done what ladies do, she flushed. Now, typical with most new facilities the toilet did not flush away but proceeded to boil over, so to speak. Not being able to stop it she went on to flush the next in the hope that would help. In fact, the same result was achieved in the remaining 18 stalls.

By this time the water was up to her ankles, she panicked and ran for the door. Down the steps, followed by a cascade of water, "whoosh-thump, whoosh-thump''. As luck would have it, at that exact moment her onward flight was called and went on board, both feet "squashing''.

I was told this story on her arrival at Lagos and confirmed it one week later.

Being on a business trip through the same airport. I noticed ceiling tiles gone, lighting fixtures hanging down, computer terminals out of action, water action, water damage everywhere; what a mess. When I innocently asked what had happened, I was told by a very cross manager that some white haired English woman was the saboteur; however they still had hope of finding her. Another unsolved African mystery.

DOUGLAS C. ROBERTS Sandys Parish