Musings on mothers: Mothers have an incredible physiological uniqueness, yet to be duplicated by the male species in spite of a recent media article about male pregnancy — the individual in question had a sex change operation from female to male. While Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" 1932 predictions of test tube babies produced en masse may be close to realisation, right now in our world every child, adult or not, is linked by an invisible umbilical cord (and DNA) to their mother.

Some mothers have achieved awe-inspiring feats of career, family and personal success; others have suffered life tragedies, but have not allowed their spirits to be defeated.

Consider Hillary Clinton, one mother campaigning for President of the United States, juxtaposed with the horrendously sad storey of the imprisoned-for-24 years Austrian daughter (mother). How polar opposite could these two situations be? Yet, they co-exist in this time and place in history. These are, we all instinctively know, only two significant stories among millions of female (mother) life situations today.

What we are now? Expectations of mothers are higher than ever and the subliminal pressure is constant. And they range the gamut of the C= equations:

• Caregivers — where time spent can consume as much as a part- or full-time job. The average woman may spend 11 years out of the workforce taking care of a family, leaving her without enough retirement money to take care of herself.

• Confidant, counsellor and crisis intermediator — psychological training or not, mothers are assumed to be emotional and financial problem solvers.

• Career professionals — most mothers and grandmothers now work (well maybe not in George W. Bush's refined world). We want the best for our offspring and ourselves and we may need to work to keep the family moving forward, especially with the high cost of living in Bermuda.

• Centennial futurists — we will live longer, in many cases, far longer. We use our experience to plan for the future because we will be there as witnesses.

• Cosmetically perfect. We are instructed not to ever look older than we are ("How not to look old" Charla Krupp) reinforcing this double standard. Nothing, according to this beauty expert, carbon-dates you like short unstyled gray /white heads of hair, sagging skin, receding gums, forehead lines and so on.

• Should we listen to the message that we still must be the way our mothers were, nurturing, caring but also supposed to keep the bodies, and faces of our daughters and granddaughters?

• Perhaps not, but the pursuit of thin enough, young enough, good looking enough, smart enough, but not too smart, rich enough but at the same time, being modest and putting yourself last is subliminally supported and encouraged in the media.

It has never been harder to be a mother while still being you.

Never before have there been so many of us thinking about the better half of our lives — that is what will do when we are close to retirement? Mothers are and will probably continue to be the demographically biggest group. Share, care, supporting, saving for the future, making sure that everyone is happy, that's a mother's job, is it not? Then what happens, will there anyone left to take care of you?

Self-preservation supposes that you rethink what your major role as mother is today and how it will change as you enter your mature years. It will require a new mindset; it will not be easy to think differently. To change means to become selfish by putting you first so that you can plan and keep control of your life when you are just responsible for you.

What mothers have to become. You still have amazing opportunities to plan for your financial future:

1. Plan for yourself by investing in yourself first.

2. Care for yourself first.

3. Protect yourself first.

Invest in yourself first. If you never had the opportunity to finish your education — you have all the power now; every study out there shows that mature career individuals are the best motivated, the most desirable employees. Finish high school, attend college / university. Find out that you are as smart as you know you are, and now you have the paper to prove it. With seven jobs for every five people, Bermuda needs you. Become an inspiration.

Education builds your intellectual capacity — the confidence, the stimulation, the passion, the excitement are astronomical — not to mention the opportunities to continue to advance in the workplace, you may wish to work part-time for ten to 15 more years.

Care for yourself first. Think of the 100-day plan, just finished by thousands here in Bermuda. Do it again or start it for the first time. Improving your health means that you will always be the centre of your family. You need to look after you.

Protect yourself first with your financial plan:

• Avoid being a guarantor for someone else's loan. Realism must decide. If you are loaning money to friends and children — are they going to pay it back?

• Don't give away your assets. It never hurts to think about financial decisions for a few days more. As we get older the prevailing advice is to put other title holders on your accounts and your property — to save on inheritance tax. Every situation is different, we know.

• Sacrifice will get you nowhere — don't jump from job to job to become a caregiver, it may tie you up emotionally and severely restrict your opportunities for your own retirement.

• Never leave your job for any reason without being sure that you have another to go to and that your heath benefits are covered in the carry-over period — caregivers are the most vulnerable group, due to stress, exhaustion and self-neglect.

• Learn every chance you get about your pension options, your investments. If you don't know what you have, you won't know what your retirement will look like.

• Have a contingency plan — in place — particularly if your family does not make good financial decisions.

Martha Harris Myron CPA-NH#1929 CFP®#67184 TEP#203510 is a Senior Wealth Manager at Argus Financial Limited specialising in investment advisory services focused on capital preservation and comprehensive financial solutions for clients considering lifestyle transitions and rewarding retirements. Confidential email can be directed to marthamyron@northrock.bm or 294-5709

CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER®, and are certification marks owned in the US by Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. (CFP Board) and outside the United States by Financial Planning Standards Board Ltd. (FPSB). CFP Board and FPSB permit qualified individuals to use these marks to indicate that they have met CFP Board's and/or FPSB's initial and ongoing certification requirements.

The article expresses the opinion of the author alone. Under no circumstances is the content of this article to be taken as specific investment, legal, tax or financial planning advice, nor as a recommendation to buy/ sell any investment product. The Editor of the Royal Gazette has final right of approval over headlines, content, and length/brevity of article.