Dear Annie: We live next door to my husband’s brother, “Kevin.” Kevin feels free to borrow anything of ours, and nothing is off limits. He never asks permission and rarely brings things back unless we demand it. He comes into our home and takes flour and sugar, frequently emptying whole canisters. He never refills them.I looked out the window one morning to see Kevin walking to his house with the gas tank from my grill, and watched him hook it up to his own and use it until it was empty. I had to retrieve it to refill it. When we are out of the house, Kevin will get my teenage son to open the door so he can rifle through all our cupboards, cabinets and drawers. He will come to our house without his cigarettes and smoke half a pack of my husband’s.

Kevin is not destitute. He lives in a very expensive home and has more income than anyone in the family. And as if this isn’t enough, Kevin will show up at our house at all hours, frequently after midnight, because he can’t sleep.

My husband refuses to say anything to Kevin and will not allow me to speak up, either. I have dropped very heavy hints, but Kevin acts like he doesn’t hear me. My husband says if he ever needed help, Kevin would be there. This may be true, but I feel invaded by Kevin and do not enjoy living in my home.

My husband knows Kevin is out of line, but he won’t confront him. This is causing huge fights between us. Please help. — In Need of Pest Control in IllinoisDear Pest Control> Because your husband won’t set boundaries on Kevin’s behaviour, he has allowed his brother to come between you. Insist that your husband put your feelings first, and if he refuses, it’s time to talk to a counsellor or your clergyperson, to help him see that Kevin is undermining your marriage.

Dear Annie: In the past, my child’s high school team voted for captains and co-captains of their sports teams. My child and his friends were excited about voting. One parent phoned and asked if my child was going to vote for his child. I mentioned that my child was also going to run for the position. Two weeks later, this kid and one other were appointed to the positions. No elections were held.I am shocked that a coach would deny the team the opportunity to vote for the people they respected to be captains. When questioned, the coach said: “I didn’t think anyone else was interested.” Should I not have told this parent that my child was running for the positionB>— Bewildered ParentDear Bewilder<$> The coach should not have eliminated the elections, regardless of who was running. Although nothing underhanded may have occurred, you still should register a complaint with the principal so it doesn’t happen again.

Dear Annie: “Unwilling Inmate” resented the time his wife spent with her mother at the nursing home. Feeding her mother meals every day is not only “fine,” it may be necessary.After my own mother lived in a beautiful nursing home for a few weeks, I hired private sitters to stay with her. Why? She was being neglected. If a family member or someone other than staff is not present, too often meals go uneaten.

Administration and absent family members often have no idea what goes on. The only way I can be sure my mother receives adequate care is by employing private sitters and participating actively in meeting her needs. — Somewhere in the ShDear Somewhere: Unfortunately, this is a sad, but often true, occurrence in too many facilities.