Dear Annie: My problem is my son’s wife. I have visited them several times in their home, and when I return, items are always missing from my handbag and my luggage. The first time I noticed this, I was actually still in their house. I was missing a cheque they had given me as a Christmas gift. My daughter-in-law suggested it had been taken by a guest visiting the night before. She said she would report it to her bank and see if it could be replaced. She never mentioned it again, and neither did I.The last two visits have left me reluctant to return. I lost a black cashmere beret that I kept folded in my coat pocket. My daughter-in-law placed the coat in the back seat of my car when I was getting ready to leave. On the last trip, I returned home missing a $100 bill and a special case for my sunglasses, and I also “lost” a pair of designer jeans and a new necklace, still in the box. Not only is she my son’s wife, but she is also the mother of my grandsons, whom I adore. When they first married, I liked her, but I’ve noticed she has become increasingly hostile and dismissive toward my son. But I believe his marriage is his business and not mine, so I’ve said nothing. How can I prevent these thefts from happening again without creating hard feelings? — Bewildered GramDear Gram: You can’t be certain your daughter-in-law is the guilty party, and you should continue to see your son and grandchildren in order to maintain a relationship. When you visit again, bring a suitcase that comes with a lock, and always keep your valuables inside and inaccessible. Needless to say, don’t bring anything you would mind “losing”.

Dear Annie$>My husband smells like a walking tavern. He drinks 12 to 15 beers every day, from lunchtime until he goes to bed, and reeks of beer all the time. He is very overweight and has a huge beer belly, but he doesn’t care. Even though he is a nice man and well-liked in his profession, I’m embarrassed to be with him because I’m sure we are judged as a couple. He does not think of himself as an alcoholic and absolutely will not cut down or stop drinking. I’ve been going to Al-Anon for a few years, and it helps some, but I’m hoping if he sees this column, he’ll recognise what he’s doing to himself and to those who love him. — EmbarrassedMany beer drinkers don’t believe they could be alcoholics, but if your husband cannot cut back on his beer drinking even though it is interfering with his marriage, it sounds like an addiction. You may be embarrassed, thinking you are judged by his behaviour, but the truth is, most people probably feel sorry for you. If you can get your husband to talk to someone, perhaps his doctor or clergyperson, it might help.

Dear Ann <$>I read the letter from “No Name”, whose husband ogles pretty women. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. We are 67 and 54. On our first date to the beach, his eyes almost fell out of their sockets looking at the women in their bikinis. He tried so hard not to stare that I finally had to tell the poor dear that it was OK. Hey, some gals are A-plus physically. I’m a B- minus, but as a friend, companion, lover and wife, I’m an A-plus-plus.Now when a gorgeous guy or gal comes by, we point them out and acknowledge they’ll never match what we have in each other. When you’re secure and confident, you have nothing to fear. — Tallahassee Lie<$>Dear Lassie: We admire your philosophical take.