Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Two years ago, we found out that my husband’s stepfather (I will call him “Don”) sexually abused my daughter when she was 7 years old. (She is 17 now.)

We contacted the police and filed charges. Two different state child protective agencies found him guilty but, unfortunately, the police department did not prosecute him. They said too much time had passed. My mother-in-law knew what Don did to her granddaughter but chose to stay with him. When I asked her why, she said, “I am staying for selfish reasons — money, home and social status.”My husband and I no longer want anything to do with my mother-in-law, but she continues to call. We never return her calls. How do we tell her that we have no interest in a relationship with a woman who values her social status over her granddaughter? Are we being petty? After all, she didn’t abuse our daughter. — Hurt on the East Coast

Dear East Coast> Is your mother-in-law still living with Don? If so, she should not be allowed to have any contact with your daughter, no matter what age the girl is now. If your husband wishes to talk to his mother, however, please allow him to make that decision for himself. It’s also possible that in the future, your soon-to-be-adult daughter may choose to renew her relationship with her grandmother, and that, too, should be up to her. We hope your daughter received counselling when you discovered the abuse, and if not, she could still benefit from seeing a professional. Please look into it.

Dear Annie: I was married almost three years ago and had a lovely wedding at my parents’ house with lots of family there. I was recently approached by my cousin, “Beth,” who is getting married soon. She asked if she could borrow my dress, as she didn’t have a lot of money to buy her own. I understand her not having a whole lot of money, but I don’t really want to lend someone else my wedding dress.

I thought all weddings are supposed to be special. Since she’s in the same family and the same people will be attending her wedding, I’m not comfortable with her request. Am I being selfish? If not, how do I tell her I don’t want to lend her my dress without offending her? — One Dress, One WeddiB>

Dear One Dress:<$> It would be generous of you to loan Beth your wedding dress, but you are not obligated to do so. Keep in mind, the dress will look entirely different on her and only the most observant guests will recognise it, but we understand your reluctance. Simply tell Beth you are so sorry, but you are saving the dress for your future daughters to wear and you don’t want to run the risk of it being damaged. Perhaps you can soften the blow by offering to help her shop at places that specialise in lower-priced, used or rented wedding gowns.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Confused,” whose co-workers ignored her.

I was once in a job where this happened to me. Things never got better, no matter how friendly or inviting I was. They would even go out of their way to cause problems. Six months into the job, I finally talked to management about resigning from my position. The emotional strain from working where I was purposefully ignored and impeded was becoming too much. I found out then that one of my co-workers had wanted the job for which I had been hired, and they were cold-shouldering me until I left.

“Confused” should pay attention to her intuition and find out if there is something more going on. I still remember the pain and stress of this job, even though it was 20 years ago. <\m>

Dear L.: The good news <\m> it wasn’t personal. The bad news <\m> these co- workers were immature and punitive. Too bad they didn’t give you a chance.