Dear Annie: A year ago, I had a party for my husband and invited his family and friends, including his 22-year-old niece, “Jan.” At the end of the evening, I discovered money missing from my purse. Jan’s parents immediately confronted her, and although she denied it, a search of her pockets turned up $200, which was exactly what was missing from my purse. Jan also admitted taking $90 from her grandmother’s handbag.Jan’s father instructed her to write letters of apology to every family member who was present and repay the money she had taken. She wrote to some family members but not all, and never repaid the debt to her grandparents. (Her father did it for her.) The entire family is still very sceptical of Jan. We learned she has been stealing money for years.

Recently, I received a note from Jan reminding me that her birthday is in two months and she would like me to send her money so she can take a trip. Should I acknowledge this letter? I want to tell her she needs to grow up. Her grandmother suggested a birthday card without money. My husband advised me to send nothing. What is the proper way to handle this? — Appalled Aunt in CaliforniaDear Appalled: Jan is still related, so send a card and wish her well. If you want to include a gift, that is entirely up to you, but don’t feel obligated. Jan is an adult, and you are not responsible for funding her vacation excursions. We hope this girl is getting professional help, because she is headed for serious trouble.

>Dear Annie: <$>My husband and I have been friends for many years with another couple our age, “Betsy and Ralph”. A few years ago, another, younger, couple came into the fold. The younger woman, “Lilith”, and Betsy started spending every minute together without including me. This has hurt for some time, but I have been silent about it. I’m comfortable alone and can find other things to do.The other night, however, Betsy and Lilith began talking about a trip they are planning to take together, and, of course, I am not invited. They did this right in front of me. This pushed me over the edge and I unloaded, letting them know how this really makes me feel. The next day, Lilith would not speak to me. No big deal. However, my husband is worried that my honesty with these two women will ruin his relationships with Ralph and Lilith’s husband. Should I apologise? — Just Being Honest in Bakersfield, California.Dear Honest: You do not owe an apology to people who are so rude and insensitive that they discuss travel plans in your presence while excluding you. Still, your outburst has no doubt damaged the relationships, and if you feel obligated to maintain them for your husband’s sake, you will need to apologise for letting your emotions get the better of you. Our advice, however, is to find new friends.B>Dear Annie: <$>I was disheartened by the letter from “Louisville, Kentucky”, complaining that a doctor charged $168 for an office visit. My husband charges a similar amount. Private insurance will pay him 60 cents on the dollar. Medicare pays less than 50 cents. Never mind the folks who get treatment, never pay their bills and stick us with thousands of dollars of debt every year.Before my husband sees any money, we first pay some of the $200,000 in student loans he owes for medical school, thousands of dollars in malpractice insurance, rent, staff salaries and benefits, medical equipment, office supplies, our transcriptionist and our billing service.

Doctors provide a special service and deserve every dime they charge. No one can provide such services for free. “Louisville” should direct his anger at the insurance companies whose stocks have risen to unprecedented highs and whose executives are paid exorbitant bonuses. — Exasperated in OregonDear Oregon: Thanks for explaining how it is on the other side of the fence. We’re sure to hear moAnnie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.