Dear Annie: A year ago, I found out I was pregnant. When I shared the great news with my husband, “Archie,” he screamed, “How can you do this? Are you trying to trap me?” I was hurt, but knew he’d been under a lot of stress, so I just thought he was having a bad day.

A month later, I got a call from “Megan,” one of the athletes that Archie coaches. She said she was sorry Archie and I were getting divorced and that the two of them had been together for six months. I said she was mistaken, that Archie and I were very happy and expecting a baby. She started crying and hung up.When Archie came home, I confronted him about the call, and he denied everything. The next day, he came home with an armload of roses and two baby outfits. Two days later, he moved out while I was at work, and took everything, including my hairbrushes, some jewellery and my diary.

He ignored all my phone calls, but on our one-year anniversary, he and Megan left a message on my answering machine, laughing, saying, “Happy anniversary! We are having a great time together!” I cried most of the day, and that evening, I had a miscarriage. When I was released from the hospital, I filed for divorce.

I heard that Archie’s mother told everyone I’d had an abortion and “threw Archie out for no reason.” It’s been hard to keep my chin up when I am mourning the loss of my marriage and my baby. I’ve been in counselling, but it doesn’t seem to help. I don’t want to grow into a bitter old woman. Friends have told me to start dating again, but I can’t imagine doing that when I thought Archie was “the one” and he turned out to be so horrible. What can I do? — Hurting in KentuckyDear Hurting: Archie is slime and you are well rid of him. Still, it’s too soon for you to be dating, so don’t let well-meaning friends push you into anything. Please contact SHARE (nationalshareoffice.com) at 1-800-821-6819 for support in dealing with the loss of your baby, and we hope you will continue with your counselling. Although it may not seem to be helping, it provides a safe harbour where you can express your feelings without being judged>

Dear Annie: Why are all the names in your letters in quotation marks? Does the person who sent the letter do it, or do you replace the name they use with another one? You never print the senders’ locations, so why would it hurt to use the real first names of the people they’re talking about?Most first names are quite common, and the situations described could apply to anyone. It’s been bugging me. — Unnamed and UnlocatedDear Unnamed: We usually change the names on our end. You’d be surprised how many people think they recognise themselves in a letter. If we use real names, there can be all kinds of trouble for the writer, and we prefer not to put our readers in harm’s way. Changing the names allows for plausible deniabilitB>

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Worried Mom,” whose daughter is being called “fat” by kids at school. I want to let you know about the slang term “phat,” which sounds like “fat” but really means “hot.”I work with middle school students, and when they called my car “phat,” I didn’t understand. They explained it was a compliment, meaning my car was cool. Maybe these kids are calling the girl “phat,” complimenting her.I could be wrong and she is being bullied, but the girl also seems easily influenced by other people’s words. <\m> Concerned Reader

Dear Concerned: The word “phat” has been around for several years, and it refers more often to objects than people. But we agree this girl is too easily bothered by what others say, and we hope she can develop a tougher attitude.