Dear Annie: I recently went out of town, and my husband of 36 years stayed home to work. When I returned, I found that most of the house had been cleaned and the entire contents of the top of my dresser had been dumped into a cardboard box.He claimed he wanted the house to be clean for guests. However, our bedroom is upstairs, and no one sees it. I found out later that someone from his office was brought in to perform this service.

Annie, I feel disrespected and betrayed. It’s like I’ve been declared dead or something. There is not a comb, pin or book of mine on display in that room. I am so angry. If he didn’t like the mess, he should have given me a time frame in which to straighten it up on my own. It’s not like I sit around eating bonbons. When I’m not working, I volunteer three days a week for a nonprofit organisation that provides therapy services for handicapped children.

I am also embarrassed that everyone in his office could be gossiping about the inner workings of my home. I don’t want anything to do with any of them ever again, but that is impossible. I work there part time.I have tried talking this over with my husband, but he only responds, “Sorry.” He feels he had good intentions, so I should just get over it. He is so clueless. Annie, what do you think? — Boxed Out in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Dear Boxed Out: We know some readers will think your husband cleaned the house to disguise evidence of a tryst, but we’re going to assume he was simply tired of the clutter and thought your absence was a good opportunity to remove it. We don’t blame you for being upset. This was an intrusion into your private space, and to have it handled by someone from the office was insensitive. We suggest putting a smile on your face and pretending your mess was amusing and you’re grateful it’s been taken off your shoulders. You’ll feel less embarrassed, and so will the staff>Dear Annie: I was recently in my favourite coffee shop, sitting next to a Polynesian family that included a daughter of perhaps 8 years of age who was sporting a cultural bicep tattoo, identical to one on her father’s arm. The girl seemed very well adjusted, energetic and engaged with her family.

After they left the restaurant, two women at an adjacent table talked about reporting the parents for child abuse because they allowed the girl to be tattooed. What is your take on the tattooing or piercings of young children? — Don in Redondo Beach, CaliforniB>Dear Don: People are entitled to express their cultural heritage. And surely you must know people whose toddler daughters have pierced ears (and diamond studs to go in them). This is not intended to inflict harm, and in the case of an 8-year-old, the child often makes the request. Naturally, when it’s simply fashion and not heritage, we hope parents will wait until the child is old enough to make his or her wishes known — and respect

Dear Annie: <$>I read the letter about the daughter whose mother used her identity to get credit. My father died three years ago. My unemployed sister offered to help Mom with her finances. Well, Sis helped herself to $250,000. She transferred money to her own account, had checks written up with her name on them, cashed Dad’s IRAs and opened credit cards with payments coming from Mom’s account.

Of course, now we will have to file charges against my sister, and I worry what will happen to Mom down the road. She will need that money. Warn your readers that this can happen. — Too Trusting

Dear Trusting: Situations like this are terribly sad because they involve a loss of trust between family members. It’s usually best when more than one person is keeping an eye on the financial arrangements. Thanks for the red alert.