Question: My son is 6 years old and attends half-day kindergarten. He’s reading at a second or third grade level and is also advanced in math. He’s very kind and helpful, especially with his 3-year-old sister. Other children like him and seek him to play.

The problem is, when he plays games, he has to win. He cries if he’s losing or even if his opponent scores a point. He also tries to change the rules so that he’ll win. I want to encourage his competitiveness, but teach him to be a good sport, as well. My husband and I both model appropriate behaviour, but it seems to make no impact. What do you suggest?

Answer: While many six-year-olds struggle with good sportsmanship, your son may feel even more pressure because his academic advancement may have accustomed him to being first. Feeling smartest usually attracts plenty of competitive praise, and that can easily generalise to expecting to win at everything. You can re-explain the rules of good sportsmanship a few more times, and ignore or time him out for quitting or tempers, but continue to play without him if others are involved. Be sure not to let him win just to appease him, and eventually he’ll learn. Learning to lose in competition builds resilience, but takes time and patience for parents.Your son needs some academic challenge, as well, or he’ll soon learn not to work hard and will instead underachieve. An evaluation by a psychologist who specialises in gifted children could help the school determine how to provide advanced curriculum and an intellectually challenging peer group.

I often suggest that gifted children who are far ahead academically spend half a day in first grade and half a day in kindergarten. That permits challenge, while allowing time for maturity. Then, depending on the child’s progress and the observations of teachers, decisions about acceleration can be made for the following year>

For free newsletters about “Keys to Parenting the Gifted Child,” children and sports, or competition, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more information. Yelling Can Be Stopped<$>Question$>My husband and I have a bad habit of yelling at each other often. Our daughter is six years old and yells a lot (probably because her parents yell a lot). If our communication habits change and we stop yelling at each other, will our daughter alter her yelling habits on her own by observation of better communication between her parents? In other words, is being immersed in a good family situation enough to undo early bad communication habits? If not, how can we help our daughter to have better communication and stop expressing herself through yelling and unbecoming language/behaviour?

Answer: You’ll have to take a two-step approach to improving your daughter’s communication skills. First and foremost, you and your husband will need to model quieter, more respectful communication. But that probably won’t be enough to break bad habits. You also need to insist that your daughter speak respectfully to you and all others. You can accomplish this with role-playing, gentle reminders and refusing to have conversations with her unless they are in quiet and reasonable language. You can also point out to her that yelling won’t be tolerated at school or with friends.

Finally, if she uses inappropriate language, you can time her out or offer her the taste of mild soap for cleansing her language. Be patient. Change can be difficult, but it’s worth the effort for improved family and social relationshiDr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and paediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, Wisconsin 53094 or srimm<$>[AT]sylviarimm.com