Dear Annie: My husband’s cousin, “Monica,” is a very dear friend, but lately I’ve left family gatherings with knots in my stomach.Monica has an 18-month-old daughter and insists that all the other children, including my 4-year-old and 6-year-old, limit their activities to accommodate her child. The other day, at Grandpa’s, the older children went to play in the basement and the toddler wanted to go as well. Monica took her toddler down and left my 6-year-old in charge. Of course, five minutes later, the child was halfway back up the stairs, which made Monica so furious that she abruptly turned off the lights and ordered all the children upstairs. Throughout the evening, every game was systematically ended if Monica couldn’t see the action from where she was sitting.

I know having a toddler is exhausting, but I spent the better part of four years following my own kids around when they wanted to participate with the older kids. I don’t think it’s fair that the other kids must bring their fun down to the toddler level. Am I wrong? How can I approach Monica without causing a fight? — Advocate for My Kids’ Right to PlayDear Advocate> Stop humouring Monica, or she will think this is acceptable behaviour. It is the parents’ job to supervise their children, not only because there are activities the child should not participate in, but also to prevent injuries and accidents. The next time the family gets together, tell Monica the children will include her child when possible, but it won’t be all the time. Sympathise with how draining it is to watch a toddler, and if she has to step away from the “adult table,” you might offer to keep her company now and then.

Dear Annie: I’m 74 and have been retired for four years from a lifelong nursing career. I enjoy my solitary life. I garden, paint, quilt, read and do many things I never had time for while working and raising a family.My friends and my son think I have become a recluse. They can’t understand why I leave home so seldom. I don’t like the noisy, hectic city traffic, and we have a high crime rate, which makes me uneasy. Why should I go into the city to shop for things I don’t need or want?

I keep in weekly phone contact with several school friends. I don’t think my lifestyle is unhealthy for me, but I’d like your input. — Watching the Birds in VermoB>Dear Vermon<$>The question is whether you are staying home because you prefer solitude or because you are afraid of going out. Staying in can become so habitual that it increases your fear and becomes isolating. It is better for your mental health to get out once in a while, even if it’s just to walk around the block. And we certainly hope you accept the occasional invitation to attend a concert or have dinner with your friends and family members. If so, you have nothing to worry about.

Dear Annie: I am a Catholic priest. I read the letter from “Engaged and Alone,” a Baptist who is engaged to a Catholic, and whose parents refuse to attend a Catholic wedding.Catholics do not necessarily have to be married in a Catholic wedding. What the Catholic affianced must do is request a dispensation from the canonical form. The wedding will still be noted in the pertinent records, and it will all be proper according to Church law, even if it takes place in a Baptist church before a Baptist minister. It is also very likely that the couple must still go through the Catholic preparations required by the local diocese.

True, the Church hopes that Catholics will be married according to our rites, but we also recognize that some situations, such as that described in the letter, may be answered with another solution. I hope this helps clarify matters. — Fr. Boniface Muggli,BDear Father: Thanks for your expertise on the subject. We hope the couple can work it out.