Dear Annie: I have worked for “Tim” for nearly 20 years. During all that time, he has been happily married to “Patty,” and they have raised three sons. I’ve met Patty on many occasions and found her to be pleasant, witty, friendly and a devoted wife and mother.

Seven months ago, Tim found out that Patty has been having an affair for several years with a married man. Tim and his family have been devastated by these revelations. Patty ended her affair, but has continued to “date” men she meets online. She says she’s just friends with them. Tim and Patty are currently working through the divorce process.

Everyone in our office knows about Tim’s marital problems. Here is our dilemma: Patty comes into our office two or three times a month to see Tim, and she is friendly and chatty to all of us. I do like Patty, but I find her behaviour deplorable. When I hear her voice in the hallway outside my office, I quickly pretend I am on the phone so I can just wave without making small talk.

Patty’s personal life is none of my business, but I cannot bring myself to act as if I am not offended by her behaviour. Is there a way to brush her off without being totally rude? — Not My Style

Dear not my st:<$> Treat Patty in a professional manner, as befits your status as an employee of her husband’s company. If she stops by your desk, it’s OK to say hello, but you should be busy, signifying that you don’t have time to chat. There is no need to be chummy, and it is hardly rude to be doing your work when you’re on company time.

Dear Annie: My husband and I will soon be celebrating our fourth anniversary. From the day we were married, we have been asked by numerous acquaintances when we plan to have children. We used to brush off these awkward questions, because I believe it is inappropriate to share with others our personal situation.

After multiple miscarriages, we recently learned we most likely will never be able to have children of our own. We are sick of being questioned by people we hardly know who assume we are too selfish to have children. Often, these people try to convince us we are wasting our lives by not joining the parenthood club.

How should we respond to people who are too insensitive to consider the personal situations of others? And since when is it a crime not to have children? — Childless Not by Choice in Minnta

Dear Minnesota: When someone asks when you are going to have children, the polite shut-down is, “I can’t imagine why you need to know such personal information.” A few years ago, we asked our readers to come up with responses, and they certainly complied. Our favourite was the woman who said, “We’d never do that. We’re vegetarians!”

Dear Annie: I had to write in response to “Hurt Father in Indiana,” whose daughters wanted to treat Mom to dinner to celebrate her retirement, but expected Dad to pay his own way. I can’t fathom inviting either of my parents to dinner and expecting one of them to pay. If a child can’t afford to pay for both parents, maybe they should rethink the gift and opt for a bouquet of flowers or a gift card for Mom.

I know how hard my Dad worked and would never expect him to continually cough up money for outings. I have footed the bill for both parents on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and many other times. Too many fathers get the short end of the stick, and I think he’s right to feel slighted. — Love Both Parents in Chula Vista, Calinia

Dear Chula Vista: We think it’s a loving gesture for children to treat their parents on these occasions, but when kids treat one parent differently than the other, there is usually a reason. We hope “Hurt Father” finds out what it is.