Dear Annie: My husband and I have two grandsons, ages eight and six. These boys are precious to us.

Our problem is my daughter-in-law. Every so often, she decides to punish us by taking the boys away. The first time was because she felt my husband was sick too often. We were not allowed any contact with the boys for six months. The second time was after I bought some baby ducks for them. She decided the oldest was allergic, and we didn’t see them for three months. (In the meantime, they were turned over to a sitter who smoked.) In addition, she decided that our dog (13 years old with a cancerous tumour) was somehow infecting the boys.

When the boys were last at my house, she was angry because I told them about the Easter Bunny and she didn’t want me to. I think that sort of thing is harmless, but things escalated from there. She has phoned, screaming at us, and sent e-mails telling us she is “saving” the boys from our horrible influence, and that we should have a nice life, because we’ll never see them again.

We have tried family counselling, but she ended up shrieking at the mediator. Unfortunately, our son apparently doesn’t care enough to help. These occasions take their toll, not only on us, but also on the boys. What can we do? — Hurting Grandma

Dear Grandma: Your daughter-in-law sounds like she has a few screws loose, and your son is a piece of macaroni. You’re going to have to tread carefully around them. First, you do need to respect Mom’s authority. Live pets and topics like the Easter Bunny should be off-limits. The rest will require tact. She’s looking for reasons to cut you out, so be as co-operative as possible, and apologise when she is angry with you. It doesn’t matter if you are right. This is what it costs to see your grandchildren.

Dear Annie: One of my co-workers was down on his luck and had to take his car off the road. He was taking a taxi to work, but it was expensive. I offered to pick him up in the morning until he could find a second job. It’s a little out of my way, and I usually enjoy quiet time in my car, but I didn’t have a good excuse not to help out.

Six months later, he has done nothing about finding a way to increase his income so he can fix his car. Instead of helping, I feel like I am enabling him. Is it OK to say, “No more free rides”? — One-Way Tri>

Dear One Way: By all means. Your co-worker should have offered to pay something for gas, but since he hasn’t, tell him, “Gasoline is expensive, so could you chip in?” Specify how much you think is fair. If he refuses, tell him that picking him up is costing you too much, and suggest he find rides from other people or look into public transportation.

Dear Annie: “Frustrated Dad in Mayberry” might like to know how I solved the problem of people talking during a performance.

Years ago, I was the PTA president and noticed that children and parents continued to talk during presentations and meetings. One day, I was at the podium when two ladies near the front were having a noisy conversation. I stopped talking and waited patiently at the podium until they noticed. I explained that I didn’t want to interrupt them but needed their attention so we could proceed quickly along. After doing this sort of thing twice, I never had to stop again. People knew we would wait for them. Later, I received compliments and comments from other parents saying they were glad I did it. — Past PTA PresideB>

Dear Past President:<$> We’re not sure this would work at a major school performance, but it can’t hurt to try. Thanks for the suggestion.