Dear Annie: My husband has a brother, “Cory,” who is lazy, foul-mouthed, has been arrested several times on illegal weapons charges and is involved with a white supremacist group.At one point, Cory threatened to rape and kill me, and put a realistic- looking gun to my head. I was scared to death. I spoke to the police about Cory’s threats, and they said it will boil down to my word against his. My in-laws do not believe my allegations. They continue to bail their son out of jail whenever he gets into trouble and always take his side.

I finally had enough and said I never want to be around Cory, nor do I want my daughters anywhere near him. I have made it clear that if Cory is invited to family gatherings, I will not attend, although my husband may go alone. My in- laws are not happy about this and often “forget” to tell me Cory is coming. Numerous times, we have been assured he will not be present, only to discover otherwise. Since I cannot trust them, I have decided my daughters and I will no longer attend any family gatherings held at my in-laws’ home.

My husband wants me to put my feelings aside and go there for his father’s birthday. My pastor told me my husband should not make this request, since seeing Cory causes me so much emotional anguish. Last year, I attended a family function to please my husband and had difficulty sleeping for days afterward.

I am willing to work on alternatives to celebrate my father-in-law’s birthday, and am hoping you have a solution. — Trying to Save My SanityDear Trying> There’s no reason for you to tolerate the company of anyone who threatens to harm you, and if your in-laws do not respect your concerns, you are right to stay away. Tell your husband you would be happy to celebrate with Mom and Dad and your immediate family at another time and place. If he doesn’t like it, too bad.

Dear Annie$>I am married to an obstinate cigar smoker. I have brought him literature on secondhand smoke and warned him that I will leave if he continues to smoke around the kids or me. He has promised to quit twice, only to make excuses.He has no problem closing the doors to the den and lighting up with his 10-year-old son in the room. I have already battled cancer and have no intention of allowing his habit to take me to an early grave. He refuses to smoke outside. He says it’s his house and he can do as he pleases. He has a smoker’s cough, and his doctors have told him to quit.

Why should I stay married to a man who doesn’t respect his own health or that of his family? I can’t believe smoking is more important than we are. What should I do? — Ready to Walk in Plattsburgh, New York.Dear Plattsburgh: Your husband is addicted, but it is unconscionable for him to deliberately endanger the health of his family. Tell him he smokes outside, or you’ll make an appointment to see a marriage counselor and maybe a lawyer. Be sure to follow throu

Dear Annie: “In the Dark on the East Coast” was upset because her mother refused to discuss her medical care. I am a nurse, and believe me, there are times the doctors I work for would love to call families to tell them their loved ones are no longer fit to take care of themselves, but we can’t because of HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) regulations.I am often faced with elderly patients who should not be living alone, but if they tell me I cannot speak to their family members, I am obliged to respect their wishes. — Frustrated NurseDear Frustra:<$> Some patients have an adversarial relationship with their children and do not trust them with this information. We wish there were a better solution to balance physical needs and privacy requirements.