Dear Annie: I am a 30-year-old woman who lives an hour away from her parents. My parents are still married, even though they have been unhappy for many years. My mother is great, and we are very close. My father was always a verbal bully and mentally abusive to both my mother and me. Still, I love him and have tried my best to maintain a relationship. He was a very involved father and attended all of my school events and paid for my college education. I always accepted that, even though he was rough around the edges, he still loved me.

For the past two years, a single female neighbour of my parents has been in my father's life. The rest of the family thought it was strange when "Dottie" hung around the house, sat outside with Dad all the time, and came to our home for holiday dinners. He brought her presents, and she planted flowers in my mother's garden.

I suspect this is an emotional affair, not a physical one, but it's still wrong, and it breaks my heart because now my father has cut himself off from his family completely and is enthralled with Dottie. She's all he talks about. The rest of us think he's lost his mind. She's a floozy for continuing this so openly. Dad stopped talking to me, and it hurts a lot, so now I only see my mother. Dottie insists on being part of Dad's life and often tries to converse with me, but frankly, I can't stand her.

How do I get closure when I still have to run into them? My father isn't the type for a heart-to-heart, so I am looking for closure in another way. ¿ Confused Daughter in California

Dear Confused: Your father is totally infatuated with Dottie, and your mother apparently doesn't care enough to do anything about it. In spite of your parents' unhappiness, your mother prefers marriage to divorce.

That is up to her. We suggest you treat Dad as if your parents are no longer married and your father has a new girlfriend. That may not be the legal situation, but it is the essential reality. Be polite to Dad and Dottie, no more, and hope this absurdity resolves itself soon.

Dear Annie: It's been over 10 years since my boyfriend's wife passed away. I know some people mourn longer than others, but he still has all her things in the house, including clothes, just as she left them even food in the freezer that she bought before she died. I have discussed donating her things to charity and that the freezer items should be discarded, but he says he can't get rid of anything of hers.

I like him very much, but I really believe he needs help. I accepted his engagement ring, but my friends say he has too much to get over before we think of marriage. What do you think? Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: Food in the freezer for 10 years? This is obsession combined with inertia. Tell your boyfriend he must get counseling before you will consider marriage. If he refuses, at least you will know where you stand (which is somewhere behind the old, frozen hamburger).

Dear Annie: I was very upset with your reply to "Chicago," whose son, "Liam" was stealing. What does the amount of his allowance have to do with it? I did not receive an allowance growing up and I did not steal. My children never received an allowance and they did not steal. Lack of money is no excuse to take from others. Tonawanda, New York.

Dear Tonawanda: Not all parents give an allowance, although it is a good way to teach children how to save and manage money. However, when little Bobby sees his friends buying things he cannot afford because his allowance is substantially smaller (or nonexistent), stealing can become a way to keep up with his friends and maintain social status. It's not an excuse. It's something that needs to be discussed.