always knew it would be risky starting to write a pregnancy/birth/parenting column ? although I don't hold myself out as an "expert", I like to think I try to practise what I preach. My 2?-year-old has suddenly started demonstrating all sorts of anti-social behaviour to the point that I hardly recognise him as the sweet, endearing, charming two-year-old of a few weeks ago.

So what is going on? Why the transformation? Is it just "a phase" that will disappear as quickly as it has arrived? Is this a permanent character change? Well, I got to thinking about it and tried to look at the world from his perspective and in doing so I believe that what he is exhibiting is what the professionals would call "attention seeking behaviour".

And why might this be the case? His younger sister has just started walking and therefore is suddenly 'on his level', a threat not only to his creations, but also his territory. Everyone is looking at her, commenting on her efforts and achievements. Opportunities for fun and attention which were previously only available to Benjamin are now also there for Miriam and he doesn't like it ? who would? So what can I do to resolve his anti-social behaviour? The solution I think, is surprisingly simple: give him more attention, make him feel loved for who he is, secure in my affections and noticed.

It is often said that children spell love T-I-M-E. Most parents' hearts sink when they remind themselves of this, as we all instinctively know it. It is funny how easy we find it not to spend time with our children, particularly if they seem happy and content. How many of us when our child is playing happily by themselves tiptoe away to try to get something done?

Imagine what they might do if instead we commented on what they were doing and sat down to join in. This sort of positive attention when they are not expecting it or demanding it can make a huge impact on the way a child feels about themselves and fulfils their needs to be noticed. "Mummy, look at me. Look at what I can do." Does this sound familiar? Children love to be noticed: they need and want your attention.

Interestingly, positive attention from parents often stops when children come into their second or third year. They may begin to misbehave in an attempt to be noticed, since they are not noticed otherwise!

The authors of a book I read recently tried to put themselves in the place of a two-year-old and expressed it like this: "Mum ? Dad ? you were so lovely to me in the first year of my life. I felt so secure and loved because you looked after all my needs with such care.

"What has happened? I miss your smiles and cuddles and all the time we had together. Why don't you notice me so much now?

"When I couldn't talk you would listen to me with big, round eyes. When I couldn't walk you would hold my hands and encourage every little step. Now you don't seem very interested ? have I done something wrong?"

So what are ways of giving "good" or "positive" attention? Cuddling, smiling, playing, laughing and above all listening. Listening when you are busy is very hard. How many of us "listen" when we are doing something else ? reading a note brought home from school or nursery, while doing the dishes, cooking dinner?

Effective listening does not just involve the ears, it includes looking at the child, often going down to their level, sometimes touching or holding them and responding in a way that shows you understand what they have said. It takes time and practice, but it works! We have been trying extra hard to give Benjamin positive attention and he is back to his normal self ... for now!

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