My eight-year-old daughter is having difficulty making friends. Her best friend since kindergarten is leaving the school next year, and she hasn?t any other friends. This is a private school where all of the students have been together since kindergarten, and my daughter and her best friend have been each other?s sole companions. The other girls have ?paired off? into their own groups, and my daughter will have to work her way in somewhere next year. She isn?t very talkative, is very self-conscious, and it?s difficult for her to initiate conversations. She?s very much like me, so I?m at a loss as to how to help her with this social problem, and I?m afraid she?ll be lonely next year. Do you have any suggestions?Your daughter will surely feel a little lonely, and it may be difficult for her after her best friend leaves. That?s as you would expect it to be if they were truly good friends. Perhaps they can stay in touch by e-mail, letters and an occasional telephone call or visit. They can send each other pictures or record messages for each other on cassette tapes. You can use this opportunity to encourage your daughter to practice her keyboarding skills to send e-mails. In the long view, it will be good for your daughter to experience making new friends or breaking into the existing pairs of friends.

You could give her a start by checking to see if any new girls will be joining the school next year. If so, contact the parent and get the girls together over the summer. That will be good for the new girl, as well as giving your daughter an experience helping another child make friends. In addition to making a new friend, perhaps she could invite another pair of girls for a play date so they could meet the new girl as well. That would help her to extend her friendship beyond one child. Even numbers of kids, like two or four, are usually easier than odd numbers, like three, because it prevents one girl from being left out. If you?re planning a trip to a park, pool or concert, you can encourage your daughter to bring a new friend along. In that way, she can feel your support as she deals with a new friendship. If she?s not sure what to do, you can role-play with her by pretending you?re her and she?s her new friend.

In that way, you can make up conversations to model what to say. You can practice the invitation several times and take turns with her in each role. If her new friends use e-mail, she can use it to extend invitations and have conversations, as well. Although you mentioned you get a little worried about how to be social, this is something you can do, and it may build your confidence, as well as hers.

In my book ?See Jane Win(r) for Girls? (Free Spirit Publishing, 2003), I suggest that when girls can?t figure out what to say, they ask their new friends questions about their interests, families or activities. Becoming interested in someone else soon spurs conversation, because kids like to talk about themselves. Art or cooking activities, playing outdoors or playing board games with new friends helps kids get to know each other. Learning to offer guests first choice of activities is also part of good social skills.

I have one precaution for you. If you feel too anxious about your daughter?s ability to make new friends, she?ll sense that and, undoubtedly, feel more anxious. While you may indeed feel anxiety, you can pretend you?re confident that things will work out, and that will surely help your daughter. It will actually help you to feel more confident as well.

For a free newsletter about ?See Jane Win(r) for Girls,? or about developing social skills, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.seejanewin.com or www.sylviarimm.com for more information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimmsylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2006 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.