In the past few months, my five-year-old daughter has had constant bouts of crying when her friends don?t do what she wants to do. They tell her they won?t be her friends if she doesn?t do what they want. Because her friends play frequently at our house, I?m able to observe both sides and feel my daughter is overreacting.

Her friends range in age from three to five, and their playing is no different whether it?s one-on-one or all together. I haven?t seen her friends cry as easily as she does. Her friends? parents have also commented on how easily she ?turns on the waterworks? while playing at their homes. She?s in a pre-k class and has attended two years of pre-school, and surprisingly, they haven?t said she behaves the same way in class.

Before she plays with her friends, I explain to her that if she cries a lot, her friends won?t want to play with her anymore. I give her suggestions, such as taking turns, and then warn her that her friends will go home if she cries. It amazes me that she can turn the tears on and off so easily. For the most part, my daughter is easy-going, loving and plays independently very well. I wonder if there?s more I can do to stop this behavior. Could you offer suggestions? Reply: In our home, we used to call the ?turn on? kind of tears ?crying for no good reason?, to differentiate it from real sadness or pain. When children cry for no good reason, I?d suggest they only be allowed to cry alone in their rooms.

Thus, if your daughter can stop her tears long enough to explain a good reason for them, you can hear her out, but if not, send her to her room until she?s done. Her friends can continue to play until she?s ready to join them. I think if you follow through, she?ll soon find that ?turning on her waterworks? isn?t an effective approach to controlling others, and she?ll learn to verbalise her concerns. Reminding her to use her words will help, but apparently, she knows that tears have been effective in the past. You could add stickers to her calendar for each social event she manages without tears and award a prize for so many. The stickers may remind her to use her words.

It will also be helpful for her not to hear you talking to adults about the rapid tears. Such talk may give her the impression that she can?t control them.

When I discipline my five-year-old son or when he gets in trouble and doesn?t like what I say, he answers back by saying, ?I?m dead?, or, ?Then I?ll kill myself?. He doesn?t answer like that to my husband.

He does well in school, gets along with peers and is sweet and playful. I need help to change this behaviour, but I?m not sure what to do differently. It worries me when he talks like that. Please make suggestions.

You mention that your son seems well-adjusted and happy in all other ways and only uses those threats when you punish him. Usually young children use words like that repeatedly, because they immediately attract parental attention and reassurances.

Furthermore, they effectively lighten punishments. You may have already asked your son why he uses these words, but if not, that?s a place to start. If he says, ?I don?t know?, which is what I expect he?ll say, explain that they are serious words, and he should never use them unless he feels very sad or worried. Then if he continues to use them, try ignoring them to see if he stops.

If he doesn?t stop or if he seems sad in any way, it would be best to take him to a psychologist for an evaluation to rule out anxiety or depression.

Because all else seems fine, it?s unlikely there?s a problem, but it?s better to be sure than overlook something that?s serious.