Dear Annie: My fiance and I are trying to decide where to live after we get married. When we were engaged, "Gil" moved into my apartment. I lived in a nice town five hours away from my family and nine hours from his. I had a good job, and his company allowed him to transfer to my area.

After six months, I could tell he was not happy. Gil missed his family and friends. After a long talk, I agreed to move where his family is, even though it meant being far away from my best friend and 12 hours from my parents. I miss them, but I love my new job and can easily see myself working here forever.

We are close to Gil's family and spend lots of time with them. However, Gil's best friends – the ones he moved back home to be near – have all moved away. The other day, Gil mentioned that he might like to move back. He says he'd like to hang out with my old friends since he really doesn't have anyone here anymore.

Annie, the company I now work for has no other offices, so a transfer is out of the question. I would have to find another job. My previous job was good, but not as satisfying as this one. Still, I'd consider it, but I'm afraid if we move back, Gil will miss his family and we will end up moving again. What should we do? – US

Dear US: Stay put. Gil suffers from instant gratification-itis. He needs time to find new friends and acclimate himself to his environment – wherever it is. Since he has no particular attachment to either place, but you do, we say you get to make the decision this time.

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law has a heart of gold. The problem is, she gives too much and never asks when we actually need something.

Any time Mom comes over, she brings crates of bottled water, frozen food, bags of clothes, baby things, closet organisers, cleaning products, gift cards – you name it. If we tell her not to bring anything, she does it anyway. When we visit her, she takes my husband "shopping" in the basement pantry, and we end up with bags of food and a bunch of other things. We always accept her presents because we don't want to appear ungrateful, but it's insulting to be given this overflow of stuff we don't want or need. We have enough money to buy whatever we require. My husband says she'd be hurt if we refused her generosity. I feel I'm being treated like a kid who needs a handout. Am I making too much of this? – Frustrated Daughter-in-Law

Dear Frustrated: Yes. Your mother-in-law doesn't do this because she thinks you need a handout. It simply makes her deliriously happy to give things to those she loves. Keep accepting these items graciously, and donate what you don't need to a women's shelter, where it will be much appreciated.

Dear Annie: I am one of those wives who "let herself go''. Why? Over 20 years, my husband has wasted thousands of dollars on porn. The more he craved the airbrushed, implanted women in his movies, the less desirable I felt to myself until it became a physical reality. We have been to counsellors, but he always went back to his addiction. Last night, I caught him again. His doctor says he's depressed, and he takes medication, but it doesn't help. The porn contributes to his depression because it distorts his view of love and can't give him what he really wants – intimacy.

I need to see myself as desirable again, and sadly, it won't be through the eyes of my husband. – Losing Myself in Louisiana

Dear Louisiana: Your letter is a heartbreaker. You need to stop connecting your desirability to your husband's response. Please see a counsellor without him so you can rediscover a healthy sense of your own worth.