Dear Annie: My wife and I recently divorced after ten years of marriage, because she had an affair with her manager. Our three children now live primarily with me and see their mother every other weekend.

My ex has a new boyfriend who sleeps over when my children are present.

She sees no problem with this, and her mother (with five marriages under her belt) concurs.

I see these sleepovers as simply showing our kids that it's OK to cohabit without commitment.

I would like to know how you view such an arrangement and if you agree that it is inappropriate. ¿ Virginia Beach

Dear Virginia Beach: It is unhealthy for the kids. Unless Mom marries the current boyfriend, she is teaching her children that there is little value in marriage and that sexual relationships are transient.

Younger children also can become attached to whoever is filling the "dad" position and feel abandoned (again) when the guy is no longer around.

If it happens often, they can become fearful and anxious and learn to detach from emotional commitments altogether.

Please explain this to your ex and request, nicely, that she save the sleepovers for when the children are with you.

(This advice also applies to divorced fathers who bring their girlfriends home.)

Dear Annie: My good friend, "Sara'', lives in an apartment complex with three cats and a puppy. Her apartment is a disaster.

There is dried animal urine and faeces all over the floor, including the kitchen. The cats have a litter box but don't use it.

The dog is not potty trained. Sara won't open the windows for fear the cats will push out the screens.

The smell is nauseating and noticeable in the hallway. I'm not sure what, if anything, I can or should do.

I think Sara may be neglecting the animals due to exhaustion from her shift hours.

Or maybe she is depressed. I have suggested getting an enclosed litter box, I've shown her ways to train the puppy (I have several dogs), and offered to provide transportation to obedience classes.

She makes excuses not to do anything I recommend.

Sara's living conditions are appalling, and now she tells me she is planning to move out and do it again somewhere else.

I am tempted to call the SPCA or the apartment complex office. Should I? ¿ Nauseated

Dear Nauseated: We're surprised Sara's landlord hasn't had her evicted. If the animals are being neglected, you should notify the Humane Society.

Beyond that, all you can do is encourage Sara to get help. Tell her point-blank that her apartment is unsanitary and dangerous.

She may need psychiatric help or just cleaning assistance, but we hope you can get through to her that this is neither normal nor healthy.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.