Dear Annie: My mother-in-law recently told me that my three-year-old daughter, "Deni'', is not invited to her house for sleepovers because she "doesn't listen and is bad''. I also have a five-year-old daughter, a nephew and two nieces who sleep over at Grandma's house all the time.

Since that statement, neither of my children has seen my in-laws until yesterday, when my husband and I took them out for lunch.

At the restaurant, the girls engaged Grandma in a game of "I Spy'', and while doing so, my oldest "spied" Deni, and it turned real ugly for me when my mother-in-law guessed "Satan" and laughed.

She may have thought that was funny, but I was terribly upset.

My mother-in-law would not even look at Deni with a smile, only an expression of disgust. Deni is not a bad child. She is no different in her listening skills from her three-year-old cousin and her five-year-old sister.

She is beautiful and sweet and loving. And she now has to watch as all the other grandchildren get to go to Grandma's for sleepovers one by one for special "alone time'', while she has never been able to do so.Should I address this issue with my mother-in-law?

Is it acceptable to do so in a letter, or is this something that should be done in person? – A Broken Heart

Dear Broken Heart: Right now it doesn't matter how you do it, but do it immediately. It would be best if your husband handled it. He should inform his mother that unless she can treat Deni with the same love and attention as your other daughter, neither of your children will visit her. Period.

We realise that sometimes a child's personality can rub someone the wrong way, even a grandparent, but Deni is three years old, for heaven's sake, and should not be isolated and stigmatised as Satan by her own grandmother.

This behaviour is totally unacceptable, and if your mother-in-law cannot put a cork in her nastiness, she does not deserve to be around your children.

Dear Annie: My lady friend invited my next-door neighbours to dinner. She planned a lovely evening and set the table, befitting her style, with her most cherished silverware. After the guests left, she was putting the plates in the dishwasher and noticed that four teaspoons and two napkins were missing.

Incidentally, my neighbours have a spoon collection on one of the walls in their house. So how do we handle this? – Befuddled

Dear Befuddled: Please double-check your girlfriend's home before making accusations. Spoons can drop on the floor and get kicked under a cabinet, and napkins can accidentally end up in the trash.

If you still can't find them, you might call your neighbours and say how much you enjoyed their company and ask if they've seen the missing items.

Of course, you also could drop by with your lady friend and inconspicuously check out the wall collection, but there's not much else you can do without causing that rift you are so worried about.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.