Dear Annie: I have two sons — “Roger”, who is married with three young children, and “Max”, who has a baby. Max isn’t married to the mother yet, but they live together and will be getting married soon. I consider her his wife. I love both the girls with all my heart. The problem is, they are jealous of each other. They constantly claim that I favour one or the other and that I love “the other one’s” kids more. I find this really annoying, and it also makes me very sad, because I love all four of my grandchildren equally and try to treat them the same. Roger’s wife does not have any other family here, and Max’s girlfriend was born and raised in this town, so she has a great support team. I probably spend a bit more time with Roger’s kids, simply because their mother needs my help more often.I am at the point now where I am afraid to even visit or call either of them for fear the other will get angry. This seems really petty to me, and I wish they would quit fighting over me like a dog with a bone. I know a lot of mothers-in-law might think this is wonderful, but it’s not. Annie, how can I salvage our family closeness without losing my mind? — Mom in the MiddleDear Mom in the Middle<$>: These girls are using you to cement their position in the family. If you are truly making every effort to treat them equally, don’t get into lengthy arguments defending yourself. Unless their complaints have merit, ignore them. Be polite, calm and kind at all times, and smile and change the subject when necessary. When they see you will not jump through hoops and they can’t play you against each other, they will stop.

Dear Annie$>I’m a 54-year-old divorced woman. A year ago, I met a very nice older man at a dance and we started dating. I thought 64 was too old for me, but I convinced myself that ten years was not such a big deal. In three months, we were engaged. Two months later, he told me that he is really 20 years my senior. This came as a shock, and I don’t know what to do because I love him. Since we’ve been together, things have been good, but I have started to notice signs of age, including memory loss, forgetfulness and physical problems. We are still engaged, but I can’t see a bright future for us.I’m taking care of my 84-year-old failing father right now and am terrified of becoming a caregiver for another old man in a few years. It would break his heart if we broke up. Please help me. — Conflicted in Massachusetts

Dear Ann <$>“Sleepless and Nervous” could have been me. She said she hides bills and debts from her husband, just like I did. She may want to consider a psychological evaluation. The sleeplessness, anxiety, helplessness and depression, as well as the spending, may very well be due to bipolar disorder, which can be treated by a competent psychiatrist with a combination of medication and therapy.Several years later, I am debt free, still married, have a successful career, and am able to enjoy every minute of parenting our beautiful children. — Grateful in ConnecticuB>Dear Grateful: Thank you for pointing out that some compulsive behaviours are indicative of bipolar disorder.