Dear Annie: I have been a single mom for 15 years. Early on, I married a wonderful man who died shortly after from cancer. We were together only four years. I was devastated and never imagined I’d find love again, but last year, I met “John”.John and I are both middle-aged, and were making plans for retirement and spending the rest of our lives together. I have children in college that I occasionally help out. I feel that God has been good to me and I can afford to help them. John told me that if I continue to help my children, he would leave me. I honestly didn’t believe him. When I saw a winter coat on sale, I bought it for my son, who has no car and is walking to work.

When John asked if I bought the coat, I lied and said “no”. He then went through my credit card receipts. When he discovered I’d bought the coat and lied about it, he walked out. He said he could never trust me again.

Annie, I thought he loved me. I asked him to go for counselling, but he refused. It was just cut and dried, over and done. I am devastated. I know lying is wrong, but is it wrong to occasionally buy gifts for my children? All of my friends say it’s OK. Not only am I lost because the man I was planning on spending the rest of my life with has left me, but I am also experiencing a huge case of “empty nest syndrome” since it’s been only a few months since my youngest child moved out. What do you think of this? — Brokenhearted in MinnesotaDear Brokenhearted: We think you dodged a bullet. John sounds stingy, controlling, unforgiving and rigid. It is perfectly normal for parents to buy their children occasional gifts, and John’s intransigence on this issue did not bode well for your future relationship with your kids.You should not have lied, but John should not have made such an unreasonable demand. Find things to fill the empty space.

Join a book club, choir, theatre group, political campaign or health club, take in a foster child, do volunteer work. You will get past this. We promise>Dear Annie: I have a terrible habit. I pop my pimples to the point where they don’t stop bleeding. I get teased at school, and when my mother looks at me, she is ashamed of what I do.I do it because I’m filled with pain and anger, but when I try to stop, I get very nervous and end up pinching my arms and legs. I now wear jeans and long- sleeved shirts to hide the marks.

Some of my friends worry because they think I could end up cutting myself. What can I do? — AnonymousDear Anonymous: Compulsive skin picking, to the point of self-mutilation (neurotic excoriations), may be a form of body dysmorphic disorder. You no doubt already know that picking at pimples can lead to inflammation and scarring, and you need to learn how to control this behaviour.

Please talk to your parents and ask them to find you a therapist. You also can contact the Obsessive- Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org), 676 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511.B>Dear Annie: Why is the former husband always a much better person than the present one? My wife’s ex was cruel and abusive. She spoke of their marriage as being unbearable.I have never struck my wife, nor have I been verbally abusive. Yet I am constantly being compared unfavourably to him. Why did she divorce him if he is so much better than me? — WonderingDear Wondering: This certainly is not the case with most second marriages. However, some people idealise what they don’t have.If you invited your wife to go back to her first husband, we guarantee she wouldn’t move a step. Ask her to knock it off, but if she won’t, do your best to ignore those comments.