Dear Annie: <$>We have four beautiful children, all of whom are married except “Melanie”, our 30-year-old daughter. We know Melanie hopes to marry and have children, and we also know she has dated very little, and those relationships didn’t turn out well.Melanie met “Mark” several weeks ago, and they have become involved. Mark comes off as sweet, intelligent and very caring. However, we know for a fact that he is a womaniser, has had affairs with married women, and even has been sexually active with a few high school seniors.

Melanie has allowed this man to move into her house, and we are devastated. We raised her in a religious home, where premarital sex is a sin. Mark has convinced Melanie to throw all of her religious beliefs out the window.

Melanie expects us to welcome Mark into our home and to family functions and pretend everything is wonderful. If we don’t, we are afraid we will lose her forever. It is breaking our hearts.

Please, Annie, tell her she doesn’t need to settle for this. She doesn’t need a man to be happy. We pray every night that our daughter will see the light. We only want the best for our little girl. What can we do? — Desperate ParentsDear Desperate: <$>We know it is hard to watch your children make choices that hurt them, but Melanie is 30 years old and must learn to accept the consequences. She knows you disapprove of Mark. If you force the issue, she will choose him over you. So, accept the situation as best you can. Be polite. Invite him for family events. Don’t say one bad word about him. If he is rotten, Melanie will eventually reach that conclusion on her own, and she needs to know you won’t say, “I told you so”.

Dear Annie: <$>I’m a guy who has been going through so much pain it seems it will never end. I lost my father last year. He went into the hospital for minor surgery, and the day before he was to be released, he collapsed in my mother’s arms and died. It was so hard on us, especially Mom. They were together for 35 years. My mother’s brother died three months later, and an aunt shortly after.My only happiness was my life partner, but he was recently killed in Iraq. He was everything to me: my world, my sanity, my life. His death has left me devastated and beyond depressed. I miss him terribly and I am lost.

My mom has cancer, and she is my priority now. I moved into her place to help out, so I’m lucky to have my family around, but after everything we have all gone through, it just doesn’t seem fair to burden them with my loss. But, Annie, I am so sad, I can’t cope. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really need to talk to someone. — Lost in Guam<$>Dear Guam: It sounds as if your life has been in tremendous upheaval for quite some time. We are so sorry for your losses, especially your life partner, whose death seems to have cast you adrift. Some short-term professional counselling can help you get a handle on your grief and move forward. Your doctor can refer you, or you can find a grief counsellor through local hospitals, funeral homes, nursing homes and social service organisations. We’ll be thinking of you.Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.