Dear Annie: <$>My wife, “Lena”, and I recently separated after almost 15 years of marriage and two wonderful sons. Like any marriage, we have had our ups and downs. I love her with all my heart and soul. Needless to say, I was floored when Lena told me she could no longer live with me.I put aside any ego and feelings of anger, and we came to amicable terms for a separation agreement. Since Lena had been a stay-at-home mom since our children were born, I told her I was willing to take custody of our boys while she got her new business off the ground.

Three days after we separated, Lena started seeing the father of a boy on my sons’ soccer team. Everyone, including my sons, could see what was happening. It made the whole situation very awkward. A month later, she moved into the boyfriend’s home. She has seen our boys only four times, and each time has been met with some type of drama. She did not call or write either child on his birthday. In fact, she treats her boyfriend’s son better than her own. This is smashing my broken heart to pieces. I still love Lena and know there is a good person inside her, but I can’t understand how she could do this to her own children. Per the separation agreement, Lena has the boys one weekend a month, but they don’t want to see her or spend time with her. I would never keep them from her, but I also don’t want to force them to go.

Lena used to be Mom of the century. Now, it’s like she died. Am I obligated to make the boys spend one weekend a month with her, knowing they will be at “his” house? — Three Broken Hearts in VirginiaDear Virginia: Probably, so your best bet is to make this a less negative experience for your sons. They are angry with their mother, and she is so wrapped up in herself and her new boyfriend that she is neglectful. Still, it’s best for them if Lena stays involved in their lives, even a little. Get some counselling for your boys and for yourself so all of you can deal with this mess in the healthiest way possible.

Dear Annie: <$>My parents married in 1969, had three kids, and divorced in 1991. They later remarried in 1994 and have been happy ever since.My question is, which anniversary should we celebrate? Can we celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary in 2009? I’m a huge fan of parties and would love to throw them a surprise 40th. — Don’t Have a Clue What To Do<$>Dear Don’t Have a Clue: <$>This is entirely between you and your parents. Which anniversary do they consider themselves to be celebrating? That’s the number you should follow, even if it means celebrating their 15th instead.

Dear Annie: <$>Please print this to remind people to be kind to others. My sister passed away three months ago at age 50. She suffered from Crohn’s disease for 27 years without complaint. What did bother her were people who made her the target of thoughtlessness. Yes, my sister was thin from illness, not from anorexia. For the lady who suggested she add a few more items to her grocery cart, she would have loved to do so had her body allowed a diet without boundaries. A hospital staff member said, “My you are a little one!” Do you think that made her feel better?The next time you feel like asking a stranger to turn sideways to see if she’ll disappear, please think first. My sister would never have gone up to a stranger and said, “My, it looks like you’ve put on a few pounds.” — Grieving in Appleton, WisconsinDear Grieving: We are so sorry for your loss. People don’t mean to be cruel, and we hope you can forgive them for their thoughtlessness. Please consider some short-term grief counselling to help you let go of your anger.