Dear Annie: I have been happily married to a wonderful man for the past four years. Last month, I found a suspicious e-mail from one of his out-of-state co-workers and did some investigating. Most of the messages were friendly chats, but one of them was flirtatious and inappropriate. I was hurt, so I confronted my husband. He apologised and accepted responsibility for his behaviour, stating there was nothing serious behind it and it would never happen again.Later, I discovered that while my husband was in that co-worker’s city on business, they were constantly text messaging on their cell phones. At my request, my husband has since asked her to keep their relationship strictly business. She agreed.

I do believe my husband loves me and has learned a lesson. However, I can’t help but worry what may have happened when he was in this woman’s town. It also makes me wonder what other secrets he has. I guess I will never know the truth, but how do I get past my suspicions? — Need Some PerspectiveDear Need:<$> It sounds as if your husband was engaging in some flirting, but we doubt it went any further. However, these things can get out of hand if they aren’t nipped in the bud, so both of you were smart to put an end to it immediately. We hate to sound like a broken record, but counselling can help you find ways to regain your trust.

Dear Annie: I’ve been a licensed practical nurse for 15 years. I work in a nursing home, doing what I love and taking very good care of my patients.The problem is that my younger sister just graduated college with her RN degree, and is now engaged to a male nurse. Both of them are returning to school to become nurse practitioners. I am very proud of them. Unfortunately, they do not feel the same about me. At every family function I hear, “Don’t you want to make more of yourself?” And my favourite, “You’re smart enough to do better.”

I am at the top of my pay scale, making more than they do. I have no tuition bills, and my children are grown. I have no desire to go back to school. I love what I do, I make a difference in the lives of the people I care for, and I’m a damn good nurse.

How do I cope with my entire family pestering me to become a “real nurse”? I find it insulting and in poor taste. Even my parents and other siblings manage to ruin every visit and phone call, asking me if I’ve had enough of changing bedpans. When I answer their medical questions, they respond, “Yeah, that’s what your sister said, too.” I feel like it’s some sort of quiz. Suggestions? — Tired of Defending MyselfDear Tired: You must say quite firmly, “I find it insulting that you question my intelligence and dedication. Please stop immediately.” If they bring it up again, don’t take the bait. Smile blankly, change the subject, hang up or walk away.

Dear Annie: I am a 50-year-old female. My mother is 83, and we do not see eye-to-eye on anything. No matter what I do or say, it’s not quite “right” in her opinion and inevitably leads to arguments and frustration.I have been to a counsellor in an effort to better understand and was told to make concessions to improve relations. I don’t mind making some concessions, even the lion’s share, but what about mom? I know it may be difficult for an 83- year-old woman to change, but if she assumes no responsibility to make things better, isn’t that sending the message that her behaviour is just fine the way it is? — Frustrated with AdviceDear Frustrated:<$> The only behaviour you can change is your own. Perhaps your counsellor thought if you showed more flexibility with mom, it would make your life easier. If it’s not working for you, go back to the counsellor, or find another one, and try something else.