Dear Annie: I spent the last two years pining away for an old love, and he finally came back into my life six months ago. Things started out great, but then we started talking about the future.

For some reason, "Jordan" always wants to hear that I love him, but he never says he loves me in return. As a matter of fact, he would tell me flat out that he didn't love me. He would get upset any time someone so much as hinted that he might love me even a little bit.

Friends suggested that I quit using those words and instead give his typical response, which is, "I care a lot about you." I tried that, but after two days, we got into a horrendous fight, and he walked out the door. He told me if neither one of us loved each other, maybe we shouldn't be in a relationship. He also took the car we bought together, and I haven't heard from him in three days.

Jordan's cousin told me that no one has ever loved him unconditionally, and that's why he won't say the words. Part of me says to forget about him and just move on with my life, but the other part of me doesn't want to let go. I am so confused. I can't just turn my heart off. Please help. California Dreamin' Dear California: It would be one thing if Jordan had trouble saying, "I love you", but he went out of his way to say he didn't. Jordan may be emotionally needy or totally selfish, but either way, he is not ready for any kind of commitment and may never be.

You would be smart to distance yourself and try to get over him. There are better fish in the sea if you are willing to look.

Dear Annie: My father passed away two months ago while in the hospital recovering from heart surgery. We're all in shock over this.

Many friends and co-workers have approached me to offer their condolences. They ask me what happened, since it was so sudden and he appeared to be recovering well. Several people have begun insisting that the medical system must have made a mistake. They have even gone so far as to ask if we've hired an attorney.

Annie, Dad received excellent care, and both the surgeon and the hospital have stellar reputations. No mistakes were made. I'm shocked people are encouraging us to sue, as if Dad's death should have been prevented. This has caused a lot of pain for me and other family members. Please tell me how to respond to these people so I can have peace of mind. Sad and Confused in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: We live in a litigious society, and for many people, the first thought is to hold someone financially responsible when things don't turn out well. Simply say to these well-meaning but misguided folks, "I appreciate your concern, but our family will do what we feel is best."

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Choking in Memphis," whose aunt wears too much perfume and she thought telling her would strain the relationship. You suggested she say she was sensitive to chemical odors and is asking everyone to wear less around her. I wish you wouldn't advise your readers to tell lies. It's not necessary and it sets a bad precedent. Disappointed in Boston

Dear Boston: We have never understood the impulse to be honest when it serves no purpose but to hurt. Should she tell her aunt she stinks? It's honest, but it's not kind. It is hardly a lie to say one is sensitive to odors, when in fact, she is indeed sensitive to the amount of perfume her aunt is wearing.

This is compassionate and tactful, and avoids ill will. Our advice stands.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611, USA.