Dear Annie: <$>My wife and I have been married for 11 years and have a beautiful three-year-old daughter. The problem is, over the years we have grown apart, and we now act more like friends than a couple. There is no intimacy at all. Plus, we constantly disagree on how to raise our daughter.I have always been willing to make sacrifices that would benefit my wife and child, but it has taken a toll. My wife and I have had many arguments. She has said some very hurtful things, and I don’t think I will ever be able to get past them.

I am currently in therapy and on medication for depression. My wife and I agree that neither of us is happy, and we’ve talked about divorce. The truth is, I am no longer attracted to her and, quite frankly, wish she would shut up when she talks. I would walk away if it weren’t for my daughter, who means the world to me.

My wife is from another state and says if we split up, she would move back there with our daughter. I don’t think I could stand not being a daily part of her life, which means I, too, would have to move away from my family and friends in order to stay near my daughter. I am willing to fight for custody, but the odds of my winning are slim.

I’m not trying to get out of the marriage to run around. I want out so I can regain my self-confidence, raise my daughter and be happy again. Should I stick out the marriage for my daughter, or leave? — Down and DepressedDear Down:<$> Can you and your wife live together and still create a calm and loving environment for your daughter? That would be in her best interest. If you cannot achieve that balance, however, separating would be better than making her a witness to turmoil and anger. Yes, if your wife gets custody, you may have to move, but many parents have made that choice. Since you are currently in counselling, we think you should discuss all your options with your therapist.Dear Annie: My daughter was married last year in Las Vegas (we live in the Midwest), and the happy couple decided to have a one-year anniversary reception for those who could not attend the wedding (no gifts).

Many of their friends and relatives were invited, but I was not. Granted, I am handicapped and would not have been able to attend, but don’t you think, as the mother of the bride, that I should have been given the courtesy of getting an invitation? <\m> Hurt in the MidwestDear Hurt: Barring an estrangement, the mother of the bride should have been invited. Perhaps your daughter thought you would be upset at not being able to attend and she was trying to spare your feelings. You should tell her, calmly, that it upset you and see what she says.

Dear Annie: Like “John in Florida,” the letter from “Mourning Mother” affected me deeply. I want to respond to John:You indicated a desire to stop drinking. You also said you would seek professional help if you couldn’t do it alone. I want you to know there are a lot of us recovering alcoholics who are not fighting alone. Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, I have been sober one day at a time for seven years.

Please, for your sake and your sanity, look up AA in your phone book or on the Internet. We are all over the world and always available for anyone seeking to live sober. I will put you in my prayers and hope that you find your way to a sober life. God bless you, John. — Happily RecoveringDear Recovering:<$> We were overwhelmed with letters from readers who wanted to encourage John, and also who promised, after reading his letter and the one from “Mourning Mother,” that they are going to try and get sober. Bless you all.