Dear Annie: I've been with "Jerry" for eight years. We have created a loving family that includes our four kids — two from my first marriage and two from his. The problem is Jerry's ex-wife, "Geraldine".Geraldine has been a constant pain in the backside from day one. It's bad enough the woman calls Jerry eight to ten times a day, but she is constantly asking him to go places with her and has even been caught on more than one occasion suggesting they have sex.

Geraldine considers Jerry her 24-hour-a-day helpline. I have had discussions and arguments with him and Geraldine alike, to no avail. I have become very suspicious and find myself constantly accusing him of being with her. He denies it.

We have talked of marriage, but so far, there has been no actual proposal and I'm not holding my breath, either. Jerry has asked me to move in with him, and I won't, because that is not the message I want to give my kids. Commitment does not mean a trial living arrangement, and I want to show my daughters that marriage is more than just a piece of paper, as Jerry sometimes says.

Geraldine took him to the cleaners during their divorce, so I understand that he's gun shy. I also believe Jerry is running hot and cold because Geraldine has made it so obvious that he can have her any time he wants. One of the men she dated told me he broke it off because of the strange relationship she has with Jerry.

Should I ignore Geraldine's constant interference, or tell Jerry that he cannot have any contact with her other than for the children? — In the Bermuda Triangl>Dear BermudaB>Geraldine isn't the problem. Jerry is. By not putting an end to the constant phone calls and seductive behaviour, he is encouraging her to keep at it. There is no future for this relationship unless you can trust Jerry completely, and part of that involves his willingness to terminate the flirtation with his ex. Tell him so.

Dear AnniWhat can you do with a 29-year-old daughter who won't keep her room straight? "Carmie" is a sweet, caring girl in so many ways, but she throws her clothes, magazines, bills, etc., on the floor. We get along fine, and she contributes money to the household. She always says, "Tomorrow, I'm going to get it straightened up", but she never does.Her brother keeps his room very orderly, and so do my husband and I. Carmie is pretty and always neat in her appearance, has friends, dates and gets along well with everyone. However, when it comes to cleaning, she can't find the time. What should I do? — At a sDear At a L: You close the door and forget about it. Do not pick up after her. Do not do her laundry. She is 29 years old, and whatever mess she makes inside her own room is her own business. (Seems like it's time Carmie moved out).

Dear Ae: I had a good laugh about the mom who wanted to go back to work at 71 years of age. In her 70s, my mother tried downhill skiing and surfing for the first time, and at age 75, she and my father were the guest performers in the local figure skating ice show. Mom taught me how to play racquetball when she was well into her 60s, and continued her exercise classes at the YMCA until she was nearly 90.Mom is now 91 and still going strong. And I just finished my master's degree in neuroscience at the age of 51. What goes around, comes around. — A Good Role Model's DhterDear Dater: We suspect you've inherited a strong set of genes to go with that role-modelling. Good for all of you.

Dear ders: Please remember to set your clocks ahead before you go to sleep tonight. You'll lose an hour, but gain some sunlight.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illino60611.