How do you defang and declaw caustic standup comic and commentator Lewis Black? Stick him in a PG-rated holiday family movie, then stand back and watch the laughs not pile up.

Black’s churlish demeanour is intact in “Unaccompanied Minors”, in which he plays a lonely, angry official at an airport where a rascally gang of kids travelling alone run wild while stranded during a Christmas Eve blizzard.

But without obscenities to hurl and adult complaints to rant, Black’s just a big, boring grizzly bear, chasing after the wayward juveniles and venting tiresomely unfunny lines.

It’s a strangely tame tale for director Paul Feig, who made 2004’s solid drama “I Am David”, created the short-lived TV gem “Freaks and Geeks” and has worked on such edgy series as “Weeds”, “Arrested Development” and “The Office.”

Screenwriters Jacob Meszaros and Mya Stark are pretty much swiping the formula from every holiday-grouch story ever written, from “A Christmas Carol” to “Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

Still, “Unaccompanied Minors” is well-meaning and harmless, a passable way to spend 90 minutes with the family in between Christmas shopping. Parents might doze off, but small kids may find some laughs in the antics of the mischievous young stars.

The story focuses on teenager Spencer (Dyllan Christopher) and his younger sister, Katherine (Dominique Saldana), packed off by their mom to spend Christmas with their father. After the snowstorm of the century hits, the kids end up stranded while changing planes at some nondescript airport and are ushered off to the “unaccompanied minors room” with other children travelling alone.

Spencer and four new acquaintances — rich girl Grace (Gina Mantegna), tomboy Donna (Quinn Shephard), brainiac Charlie (Tyler James Williams) and chubby geek Beef (Brett Kelly) — go AWOL and form their own little team of operatives to elude gruff passenger-relations manager Oliver Porter (Black) and his cheery assistant (Wilmer Valderrama).

The movie alternates between clunky slapstick and sappy teen bonding, none of it terribly clever or amusing.

It winds up a holiday take on “The Breakfast Club” with a somewhat younger cast, kids from different backgrounds finding common purpose and friendship when forced to spend time together and fight a mutual enemy.

Attempting to expand the movie beyond the confines of the airport, the filmmakers throw in tepid scenes of Spencer and Katherine’s tree-hugging eco-dad chugging through the storm to rescue the kids in his bio-diesel-fuelled clunker.

Kelly also played the odd kid opposite foul-mouthed Billy Bob Thornton in “Bad Santa”. Given his presence, it’s tough not to wonder about the “Bad Santa”-style black comedy that could have been made with an actor as blustery as Black and a director like Feig who has a track record for edgy television.

There’s a glut of happy, goofy Christmas comedy this year. Something dark and twisted would have helped to make the season bright.“Unaccompanied Minors,” a Warner Bros. release, is rated PG. It is showing at the Little Theatre. (See Page 15 for Listings).