Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old woman, married 10 years to an attractive dentist, and we have three children. I am physically healthy and have retained my youthful figure and appearance. My life should be perfect, right? I’ve learned to live in silence with a secret.

I fell in love with a young man when I was only 18. “Tommy” and I were very close, and though we were intimate and affectionate, I never expressed how I truly felt. I left my hometown when I was 24 with hardly a goodbye. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought of him, including my wedding day. Tommy is the last thought before I go to sleep and the first thought when I wake up.

I have not seen my high school sweetheart in at least five years, but when I moved back to my hometown a year ago, I called him to say hello. He sounded overcome. He blamed his father for drilling into his head that he should not allow himself to fall in love in order not to be hurt. He is now in an unhappy relationship, but has never married and has no kids. I haven’t spoken to him since.

What do I do with these feelings? It seems unfair to my loyal and generous husband that when I place my head on the pillow, I am thinking of someone else. My husband has NO idea. I would have to be an idiot to leave him, but how do I cure this? If I meet Tommy in person and talk, maybe these feelings would wash away once and for all. Or is that something I should completely avoid? Give me an antidote. — Lost Love in California

Dear Lost Love: You see a lost love. We see a guy who needs therapy. You think the relationship ended because neither of you could confess your true feelings. We think he is unable to commit and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to form a lasting relationship. Don’t romanticise Tommy to the point where you destroy your family. It’s OK to see him — but only if you bring your husband along.

Dear Annie: My daughter is 12 and has a friend the same age. “Amanda” spends the night from time to time. My problem is her mother. She does not pick up Amanda the next day, and Amanda does not want me to take her home. She prefers to play around the neighbourhood for the rest of the day.

I’ve told Amanda’s mother that I feel responsible for her daughter. When my daughter is out, I must know where she is going and she must check in with me. I have said that Amanda can spend the night only if her mom picks her up by noon, but it never happens. My only other recourse is to prohibit her from staying over, but that only punishes the girls. Am I being weird about this? — Worried Mom

Dear Worried:<$> Even in safe neighbourhoods, it is no longer wise to let 12-year-olds wander around alone for hours. Tell Amanda that the next time she spends the night, she must bring her house key. Inform Mom that you will bring Amanda home at a set time and if Mom is not there, you will wait until Amanda gets into the house safely. Beyond that, there’s not much you can do unless you want to stop inviting her or keep her with you until her mother deigns to show up.

Dear Annie: We were invited to a friend’s wedding. While getting ready, my wife wanted to wear a white suit. I argued that only the bride or groom can wear white at a wedding, otherwise it may appear that you are taking attention away from the newlyweds. Am I old-fashioned? — Wearing Green

Dear Green: Guests used to avoid wearing white at a wedding, but now it is OK to do so, provided the outfit doesn’t compete with the bride — no white formal gowns, for example — but a cream or winter white suit would be fine.