Question: I have an 8-year-old son in the second grade. He's very creative and intelligent, but has learned how to defeat the weak and ineffective discipline methods employed in schools today. In his school they use a system where the first time a child misbehaves during the day, the teacher notes in the daily folder sent home to parents that he was placed on "yellow" for whatever misbehaviour he was responsible for. If he misbehaves a second time, he receives a "red" characterisation.

Our son does well in school, but is frequently and repeatedly reported "yellow" for talking or not following directions. Recently he was "yellow" for several days in a row, and when we expressed our concern to him about his behaviour, he responded, "Yellow doesn't mean nothing; it's just a warning."

Teachers seem to forget that children are adults in training. Imagine if the above method were used in the adult world and a person sped through a 35 mph speed-limit zone at 80 mph. Because it's the driver's first offence of the day, the policeman is obligated to give the driver a warning.

We use strong discipline methods at home, but we can't be at his school to discipline him when he misbehaves, and apparently the teachers have their hands tied in regard to discipline. We've been to several parent-teacher conferences, but the problems persist due to the inability of the teachers to employ effective discipline to correct them. Do you have any suggestions on how the teachers can cut back on their tolerance of bad behavior and employ more effective discipline methods? I'd appreciate it, and my son would benefit as well.

Answer: I'm not a great proponent of the traffic light system for classroom discipline, although it's commonly used. My disagreement with it doesn't come from the warning element of it. I find it's not effective because it gives overt recognition to children for bad behaviour, and that overt recognition seems only to increase their bad behaviour. Furthermore, it often alienates the child who has self-control problems so that he loses the friendships of more positive children and begins to think of himself as a bad child who can't do anything about his behaviour.

The yellow warning system means that your son's infraction isn't major. He undoubtedly whispers to another child or forgets something minor, otherwise the teacher would give him the more serious red light. Your analogy would hold up better with the policeman giving a warning to a driver moving at 43 mph instead of 80. The warning would serve to remind him not to speed, but wouldn't go on his record. Policemen give tickets, not warnings, for excessive speeding, and your son's teacher isn't likely to give your son a yellow light if his offence is more serious.

Because your school has chosen to use the light system, you should support your son's teacher. If your son continues to bring yellow light warnings home, let him know that although the teacher is choosing only to warn him, you and his dad take this very seriously and will set consequences like no TV on days he receives a yellow light. You can be firm and set higher expectations for green lights only. If you and your husband take his discipline seriously, he will, too. If you criticise his teacher for her use of this discipline, I can assure you that your son's behavior will get worse.

You have more control over your son's behaviour than you think and less control over his teacher's than you'd like. Don't give your son an easy way out by letting him think his problems are continuing because his teacher is using the wrong form of discipline.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and paediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com.