editor-cum-soccer linesman Dexter Smith? If not, then here'zzz the lowdown. And there is certainly a sting in this punny tale! Dapper Dexter looked just the part when he appeared in well-pressed linesman's attire for Sunday's Spinning Wheel versus Prison Officers FA Cup clash at PHC Stadium. Few fans, however, were ready for the Dextra-terrestrial antics which followed as the game kicked off.

With his arms flailing, and flag waving, the 33-year-old wordsmith seemed to break into a twisting touch line tap dance, which had ref Oral Swan reaching for his whistle on at least one occasion, believing his restless linesman had spotted an offside.

On and on the performance went...and on...and on, with barely a break in 90 minutes of play.

Dexter may be Dexter-ous but this was quite Dextra-ordinary! And it left many onlookers -- not to mention poor old Swan -- musing: What bee has got in Smithy's bonnet this time? How close to the truth such a question came! Sharp-eyed observers would have known the cause of Dexter's display...two bees which plagued him throughout the game.

Royal Gazette reporter Patrick Bean, who was covering the match, watched the spectacle with growing disbee-lief. "The bees continually buzzed around his brow, probably thinking his hair spray was some form of nectar! They certainly provided an endless distraction,'' he said. "Poor Dexter could be seen constantly waving his flag about in an attempt to dismiss the unwelcome duo, but it was all to no avail.

"On at least one occasion, the ref nearly blew for an infraction because Dexter's flag was waving.'' If the bee-haviour of Lady Fortune mystified our Dexter during the game, it positively astounded him afterwards. He got locked in the changing room for a full half an hour, and had to be rescued! The debate over how little money cruise ship passengers to Bermuda spend has finally been settled by economic analyst and guru Dr. Brian Archer, or so it seems.

The good doctor's recent study of the contribution made to the economy of Bermuda was accompanied on its release by a statement from the Ministry of Tourism.

The memorandum is explicit. It states: "Air visitors spent $468 million, while cruise passengers spent $41.'' The report says that 153,944 cruise ship passengers visited Bermuda in 1993.

Probably a couple of them popped into a bar for a few drinks, and the rest spent nothing at all. Dr. Archer is silent on that subject.

Fathoming how the General Post Office works is one of Bermuda's most enduring mysteries, and the following incident doesn't help.

A reader whose Hamilton post box has been in the family for generations was advised by a friend in the UK that a letter was on its way.

More than a month went by before it finally arrived in the post box.

Here's what happened: In addressing the envelope originally, the sender had omitted one of the two numbers of the addressee's post box. When it arrived here, apparently without any reference to its record of boxholders, the GPO had simply ticked "unknown'' and "return to sender'' on its self-inflicted rubber stamp and despatched the letter back to England.

On receipt, the sender then addressed a new envelope -- incredibly, making the same mistake again -- and tucked the returned letter inside.

This time the envelope arrived in the correct GPO box without a single mark being made upon it.

Go figure! Ah the power of the Press. Sometimes events make you think it actually does have some.

Take our Let's Fix It column.

This week, a caller from St. David's said he had had enough of an "eyesore'' on Government property near his home: the Paget Island dock.

For three years, the dock and surrounding ground was littered with an old postal van, a golf cart, a half-burned Boston Whaler and smashed glass. The caller said he had repeatedly complained, along with camp groups using the Island, to no avail. The site remained a mess.

Finally, he decided to turn up the heat and threatened to call Let's Fix It for a photograph of the site. "Lo and behold,'' he said. "By the end of the next week, the whole site was cleaned up. They did it in 15 to 30 minutes. It could have been done a long time ago.'' There are any number of laws which apply to publishing and to broadcasting.

Some of them can be quite tricky and not a little frustrating. This newspaper has stumbled several times on one of the laws, usually by taking a classified advertisement which unwittingly breached the law.

That law has to do with aiding and abetting a criminal offence. The classic example of that law is a person who says he wants stolen goods returned "no questions asked''. To do that is to aid the criminal by not reporting the incident to the Police.

Last week a South Shore church and VSB broadcasting both broke the law, if we are to believe the story VSB carried.

According to VSB, someone stole speakers from the church which had been especially designed to be used with the church's organ. Someone stole them and the congregation of the church held a meeting and decided not to report the incident to Police but to ask the culprit to return the speakers, no questions asked.

If VSB got the story right, then the church congregation is guilty of aiding the thief and VSB is guilty of aiding and abetting, simply by broadcasting the fact.