large bird for several days in the refrigerator, laboriously making an exotic stuffing, filling and trussing the bird's body cavities, and then cooking it slowly for five or six hours in a moderate oven until it's a delicious golden brown, maybe it's time to think again.

This week, we asked Primary I and II students at Gilbert Institute how they would cook a turkey, and they came up with some truly novel ideas. Here is what they said: *** Ricardo Dill (6): "I would put flour in it and sugar on it and put it in the oven. The oven has to be hot, and you can leave the turkey in for a very long time because it doesn't go brown. Then the mummies and daddies will cut the meat off and put it on plates and you can eat it. Turkey's my favourite food.'' *** Tyshae Raynor (5): "Wash the turkey and put stuff on it. Put ketchup inside its stomach, and put it in a cold oven where you leave it in for ten hours.

Then you take off the skin and eat it. I like turkey because it tastes good.'' *** Christian Aanni (5): "Put it in water in a big pot on the stove and cook it for ten hours. Then you cook it again. Then you put ketchup on it. Then you cut it up and eat it. I like turkey because it makes me fat!'' *** Stacey DaPonte (5): "You put stuffing in it by opening the skin. Stuffing is made with bread and spices. Then you put it in a hot oven and leave it for six hours so it turns brown. It tastes yummy!'' *** Morgan Lightbourne (5): "Put it on the stove in a pot and put sauce on it. It should be ketchup. Then you put it in the oven and cook it for five hours.

Stuffing is made with bread and salt.'' *** Darian Simons (6): "Put stuffing inside made from bread and raisins, and mash the bread all up. Then cook the turkey for ten hours.'' *** Rebecca Field (51 ): "First you take all the stuff out of it and then you put stuffing back in it and then you just cook it very carefully in the oven for ten hours. Oh yes, and tie his legs up. Stuffing is made from all kinds of stuff but I don't remember what. I think it's bread, salt and pepper, black nuts and chopped up apples.'' *** Carlita Lodge (5): "First you give him a bath, and then you put him in a pan.

Then you take the bones out and put stuffing inside. Then you cook him in the oven with some foil on him for half a day. You can tell when he's cooked because the timer goes off. He is going to be the same colour when he comes out as when he went in. Then your mummy chops him up.'' To make stuffing, Carlita said: "You buy it in a bag and just scrunch it into his holes. You don't have to put any water or anything.'' *** Kimberley Tatem (51 ): "First of all you buy the turkey. Then you put it in the sun to melt, then you put it in a pan and cook it in a hot oven and leave it for about four minutes. Put ketchup on the outside when you eat it.'' *** Alexis Brown (5): "You buy it from the store. You take it home. You put it in a pan in the oven and it gets brown. You make stuffing with sugar, onions, bread on the side, pepper and ketchup. That's it.'' *** Bradley Simons (5): "Put it in a pan in a warm oven for about five seconds.

It will be a browney colour. Oh yes, you put some stuffing in. Stuffing is made from egg, bread, milk, raisins, nuts and flour. Turkey is good for you.'' *** Steven Lambert (5): "First you buy it, then you take it home and put it in the oven and then it comes out cooked. Put some stuffing on the top of the turkey. Stuffing is made from bread, sugar, celery, salt and potatoes.'' *** Andrew Mason (61 ): You put it in the oven and then you take it out. It's white when it comes out. You have to handle it carefully because turkey is very heavy. Eat it when it cools down. You put stuffing in its stomach made from bread, lettuce and tomatoes. I like turkey because I can eat it with ketchup. It tastes nice.'' *** Vicky Sowerby (71 : "I like turkey because it looks good. I'd put everything in it -- bread and ham -- and then cook it for three minutes in the oven. The oven is hot so you have to be careful not to burn your hands. You know when it's done because it has this little beeper that beeps.'' *** Naomi Bramlett (6): "You put it in the oven with everything inside and leave it for two hours. Then your mummy cuts it up.'' *** Victoria Rodriguez (6) : "Wash it first but don't use soap. Where you put the stuffing, well, clean that out first because it's got blood and bones when you buy it. Then break up some bread and mix it with oil and onions and put it in the hole. Leave the turkey in the oven for one hour and put oil on it so it won't bubble.'' *** Michael Deleon, Jr. (6): "First you have to wash it and then you put stuff in it and then you put it in the oven to cook for one hour. It will look brown.

Stuffing is made from oil, bread, onion and potatoes and mixed together in a big bowl.'' *** Jessica Porter (6): "First you wash it and then there's a big hole where you put stuffing in. Then you cook it in the oven for one hour. Stuffing is made from carrots, onions, bread and potatoes. I like gravy with turkey.'' Khalil Simons (6): "You put everything inside and cook it for one hour in the oven where it turns brown. To make stuffing you use bread, oil, potatoes and green beans.'' *** Alexander DeCouto (6) : "Buy the turkey from the store and break off the thing around it. Then put it in the oven and turn the oven on high and cook it for four minutes. It turns brown. Take it out and put gravy on it and put it back in the oven and wait 'til the beeper goes. Then get ready to eat it.'' *** Peter Lewis (61 ): "I would buy the turkey, take it home and say to my mother, `Let's cook the turkey.' Then we'd open it half up, put gravy on and cook it for 20 minutes. When it's finished you cut the ropes off, then mom rings the bell and we all sit down to eat.'' *** Chris Medeiros (7): "Take the plastic off, wash the turkey and put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Take it out, cut the ropes, put it back in for 20 minutes, take it back out, put it on the table and eat it after your dad cuts it with the saw.'' *** Christopher Leader (6): "Well, you stuff the turkey, then you put it in a pan and put it in the oven. Wait for 18 minutes and take it back out. When it's ready you slice it with a sword and eat it. My daddy is a stunt sword fighter.

For stuffing you put in bits of corn and stuff. What the Primary I's said wasn't right.

"I am going to camp with my mommy and daddy and little brother and sisters at Christmas and let me tell you something. We are going to cook the turkey in the tent.'' Christopher then went on to describe a complicated procedure using sticks and glue to make a structure that sounded like a campfire spit.

"You roll the turkey 'round and 'round and leave it for 182 minutes then at one o'clock you eat it. That is all. I know everything about turkey. I even know how to cook a turkey on a stick at home,'' he said.

CHRISTMAS CHEFS -- Students at Gilbert Institute Primary School try a hands-on approach to the Christmas turkey. With cooking times estimated from four seconds to half a day, and stuffing recipes including everything from lettuce and tomatoes to raisins and flour, it's a good thing they're not home on the range! NOW WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS? -- Gilbert Institute students (left to right) Carlita Lodge, Darian Simons and Tyshae Raynor ponder the best approach to cooking the Christmas turkey.