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New cook's dictionary serves up dishes to tickle your funny bone

Dictionaries are normally dull to behold and, for many, even duller to read.Not so "Cooking: A Cook's Dictionary'' by Henry Beard and Roy McKie.

Dictionaries are normally dull to behold and, for many, even duller to read.

Not so "Cooking: A Cook's Dictionary'' by Henry Beard and Roy McKie.

These authors have created a tongue-in-cheek book which is not only amusing, but which they say " brings new meaning to matters of taste''. Primitive drawings highlight its 111 pages, on each of which there is at least one laugh and a chuckle.

Now available at the Bermuda Library, "Cooking: A Cook's Dictionary'' is a fun read which can be picked up and put down at will. Here's a sampling: Butcher Block: Obscure mental condition which causes some purveyors of meat to describe a portion of a cow's hoof as prime sirloin steak.

Chili: Extremely hot-tasting plant of the genus Capiscum, usually added in powdered form to a dish made of shredded cattle.

Chili con Carne: Incendiary dogfood widely eaten in Texas.

Citrus Fruits: Members of the citrus family which, when cut or squeezed, exude a juice containing citric acid -- a useful substance that helps cooks to quickly locate temporarily misplaced cuts, nicks and abrasions on their fingers.

Drawer: A mess with a knob on the end.

Egg: In ancient Gallic folk beliefs, one of the six basic elements in the universe -- along with butter, flour, cream, wine and rude waiters.

Fermentation: Chemical reaction, caused by microbes, which turns malt into belches and grapes into hangovers.

Finger Bowl: To propel a radish, melon ball, or Brussels sprout toward another diner's plate.

Gadget: Any mechanical device that performs a kitchen task in one-twentieth of the time it takes to find it.

Gourmet Frozen Food: Major innovation in the convenience food industry which allows consumers to enjoy airline meals at home.

Imported: Anything packed in a box, can, carton or bottle with a label containing lies in a foreign language.

Junk Food: Any packaged processed food, such as cookies, candy and potato chips, the bulk of whose nutritional value is contained in the box or bag it comes in.

Macadamia: The only well-known Australian nut that hasn't raced yachts or served as prime minister.

Nouvelle Cuisine: A child's portion served to an adult.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American breakfast tables since children were granted limited standing in federal courts to sue their parents.

The name is an amalgamation of the words " p utrid,'' "h orrid ,'' and "slud ge. '' Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy in utensils you don't own to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

Tapioca: The only known dessert that produces leftovers.