by Harry Ritchie. Hodder & Stoughton.

A remnant -- according to the Oxford English Dictionary (concise, i.e. cheap, version) -- is a "fragment, scrap, especially a piece of cloth, left when the greater part has been used or sold''.

And used, abused and sold short is just about Mr. Ritchie's rather jaundiced view of how the mother country has treated what's left of the Empire on which the sun never sets.

For, as Mr. Ritchie explains, the wind of change which brought freedom to many UK colonies has proved a chilly blast to many of the ones which wouldn't, or couldn't, go it alone.

And he lets his jolly Scotsman-on-a-spree facade -- most evident in Bermuda where he apparently rarely drew a sober breath -- slip in the face of neglect of dependent territories who remain staunchly patriotic despite being regularly kicked in the teeth by the shiny black shoes of British officialdom.

Shameful Hong Kong-inspired manoeuvring has made the British passports of people like Tristanians and the Saints of St. Helena, like the passports of Bermudians, virtually worthless.

But, Mr. Ritchie said, of the seven main territories still under the rather dubious protection of the Union Jack, Bermuda and the tiny and remote South Atlantic island of Tristan Da Cunha come out on top.

Mr. Ritchie said: "Bermuda ties for first place with Tristan Da Cunha for different reasons -- it's certainly not the weather.

"I was stunned by Bermuda -- It's an amazing place. There are problems there but people seem well aware of them. It was the beauty of the place. It's stunningly beautiful.'' Indeed, his main concerns seemed to be a fear of flying, in this case flying a moped, and -- of course -- the cost of living. That and the tree frog chorus.

He laughed: "It was astonishingly expensive for a Brit -- I was reduced to the occasional burger and a cup of water at some points.'' The book, which includes the Editor of The Royal Gazette David L. White in the list of acknowledgements, was inspired by a list of dependent territories in a reference book -- more than 1,000 separate bits of land, in fact.

Mr. Ritchie said: "Like a lot of people in Britain, I didn't know we had any colonies left, except maybe Hong Kong. I was stunned we still owned all these places. I wanted to see if they were still British in any way.'' And for Mr. Ritchie, a former literary editor of English heavyweight newspaper The Sunday Times turned full-time author, nothing would do but a personal visit to the last pink bits to see for himself.

His Bermuda journey began in a garden -- perfect, naturally, and he admitted he did make increasingly frantic efforts to find the pimples on what, on the face of it, was an unblemished scene.

Mr. Ritchie's investigations took him to pubs and Hamilton's Flanagan's provided him with a breathtakingly expensive, by UK standards, beer -- and a reminder of home through the Jock Stein Glasgow Celtic Supporters' Club.

A visit to a televised match in the sports bar gave him an insight into expat life -- and news of a 4-1 defeat for his team, lowly Raith Rovers.

And a taxi tour by "the second friendliest man in Bermuda'' cabbie Custerfield Crockwell (the friendliest man award went to Johnny Barnes) took him to Court Street and the alleged underbelly of Bermudian life.

But Mr. Ritchie admitted he couldn't see that much to worry about, although, as ex-cop Mr. Crockwell said, it didn't take much to cause problems in a place the size of Bermuda.

And he took at face value the general opinion that race wasn't a problem on the Island.

But, after a visit to a house owned by one of the "Forty Thieves,'' an "all-white elite'' who lived behind "a reinforced steel door which was bolted and locked and which kept out almost every person in Bermuda, black or white'' he admitted claims that the descendants of the early families were the real rulers of the Island could well be more than a "daft conspiracy theory.'' But, he said, Bermudians appeared "scornful'' of the parties technically in charge of the Island's destiny.

"How could you cope with a right-wing party (the UBP) that was more liberal than the left-wing but religiously fundamentalist and therefore reactionary PLP,'' he asked.

He said Bermuda could solve its social problems with "throwing money and expertise'' at the new super-school and back of town and legalising and controlling drugs.

But he added that wouldn't happen with "a government that is underfunded, conservative and challenged by a supposedly left-wing party whose reactionary instincts can be inferred from the fact that most of its members think that God created the world in 4004 BC on 26 October at nine o'clock in the morning.'' And he predicted tourism would continue to decline -- but be offset by offshore business.

Mr. Ritchie, however, found much to worry about elsewhere in the former colonies.

St. Helena aroused a righteous rage at treatment ranging from simple neglect to ham-fisted arrogance, while the Falklands were ignored until a war -- partly brought about through that same neglect -- forced Britain's hand.

Only Tristan -- a utopian community with pooled resources and voluntary fishing conservation and which has gently avoided too much UK interference -- inspired any joy. That and Bermuda, of course.

Mr. Ritchie said: "There are two types of colonies -- ones which have gone it alone and are independent financially. They're fine. Bermuda is one and Tristan Da Cunha, in its own way, is one.'' But Mr. Ritchie said he was not anti-colonial as such, just against official neglect.

He added: "I sympathise with all the colonies wanting to be colonies. It's an important thing, especially in Bermuda where independence was rejected.

"I am anti all the governments which have just ignored or maltreated their colonies.'' And his book, ending with a answer to George V's deathbed inquiry as to the state of the Empire, shows why it's not just the colonies which ought to be coloured pink, but the faces of generations of administrators and politicians -- from shame.

Ritchie tells the King: "To be honest, your Majesty, it's not very big. And it's a disgrace.'' ---- Raymond Hainey BOOK REVIEW REV