they're never afraid, and they can do just about anything. Right? Wrong! The reality is that men are no different to other human beings at birth. It is conditioning which forces them to live up to this traditional image, and since that is usually incompatible with their true selves, the results can be very damaging emotionally.

"Traditional male roles often require that men be stoical, self-sufficient and independent,'' explained professional counsellor Mr. David Gosling. "Men are expected to be tough, powerful, fearless, sexually active, and able to support themselves and their families. Men compete with each other for success in life just as they do in sports. Gentleness is seen as weakness; expressing feelings only reveals weaknesses to rivals.'' No-one knows quite where these designated roles originated, but Mr. Gosling suggests they could stem from the ancient hunter-warrior roles assumed by men.

"Certainly the male qualities would be beneficial to hunters and warriors, but our lives have changed, and there is ample evidence that these qualities can cause problems in modern life,'' he said.

And it is these problems which Mr. Gosling wishes to address in Men's Issues, a new therapy group which he will facilitate. "Basically, Men's Issues is a therapy group,'' he explained. "Therapy involves talking about feelings, intimacy, vulnerability -- all the things men are not good at doing.'' Acknowledging that men were less likely to seek psychological help than women, Mr. Gosling said he hoped there would be enough of them who will want to overcome the stresses of living up to the image of their traditional roles to make Men's Issues a success.

"The effort of maintaining traditional male roles and expectations place unrealistic and impossible demands upon men which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame,'' he explained. "This is especially true for men who are unable to provide for their families, or those who lack a sense of their own competence or self-sufficiency.'' The counsellor said that men tended to respond to such feelings in one of two ways: either by leading a fearful existence, avoiding challenges which could expose their inadequacy; or by adopting a belligerent, defiant attitude towards the world, attempting to prove to others what they could not prove to themselves.

"These roles can be restricting to men,'' Mr. Gosling noted. "For example, men are allowed to show anger or happiness, but the expression of other feelings is at best discouraged. Some men respond to this by bottling up their feelings. They appear to be calm and detached, but they feel themselves to be volcanoes about to explode. Others lose touch with their feelings, and are therefore unable to experience the full richness of their lives.'' Indeed, Mr. Gosling said such importance is placed on "being a man'' that many males never learn to express their feelings, be vulnerable, or share their innermost thoughts, as a result of which the ability to involve themselves in intimate relationships with their wives and children was fatally flawed.

"I once encountered a man who had never told his 21-year-old daughter that he loved her,'' he related. "He felt that the fact he provided her with food, clothes and shelter expressed his love for her adequately. Even after he acknowledged the importance of saying `I love you', he found the actual words stuck in his throat. That was `not what men did'.'' The professional counsellor, whose specialty is group counselling, stressed that Men's Issues was not about eliminating traditional male roles but modifying them to enhance their personal growth. It would provide them with an opportunity to work on issues relating to traditional male roles, and the difficulties between maintaining those roles and achieving intimate relationships. In addition they would learn to express emotions and be themselves.

"My approach is not to take away what people have. My idea is to give them other approaches so that they will not stick with the single response. They will have a variety of responses from which to pick the one which works best,'' he said. "Men's Issues will give them these skills by getting in touch with their feelings, letting them discover for themselves who they are, and being able to let other people know who they really are.'' Because Mr. Gosling felt the ability of males to interact with their peers in a meaningful way had been compromised in today's world, the new group would be specifically tailored for men only.

"A group of men will interact differently in an all-male group than they would when women are present,'' he explained. "What we are looking for is a place where men are free to be themselves and to explore who they are without the kind of social pressures that having women present would automatically involve. Men need to learn from other men about life, male roles, and so forth.

"In recent years, women have been able to examine the traditional roles assigned to them in our society and free themselves of the restrictions and expectations inherent in them,'' Mr. Gosling stated. "It's time that men did the same.'' Lest anyone think otherwise, Mr. Gosling hastened to dispel the myth that professional counselling was exclusively for the mentally or emotionally defective.

"It is also for people who want to improve themselves, or who are dissatisfied with parts of their lives and wish to improve it. It is a much more positive focus. As a counsellor, people come to me because they want to grow in some way and better themselves -- and let's face it, we can all do that.'' Men's Issues will take place on Tuesdays from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. For further information and registration details, please contact Mr. Gosling at 292-2667.

David Gosling's Credentials